Gatorade Frost

Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I would taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scale there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store it was less a walk, than a lumber.

I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "None for me, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself as only I can,
"You can't spend another winter disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie not even a lick,
I'll chew only on long celery sticks.

I won't have hot biscuits or corn bread or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, life's no longer a riot,

"Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!"

--

I thought everyone could use a little New Year cheer to put them in the mood.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

Brewmaniac

How clever! Not my problem though, I can't seem to gain any weight.

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"