Gilda

I think Santa Claus is a woman...
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate
claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened....having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test.
But not Santa. Not a chance.

Santa Gilda

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mazak

great one, i always thought something was wrong.

fresnelly

Hmm. You could be right. That, or Mrs. Claus deserves a lot more credit than she receives.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

Slippery Slope

Oh come on now. If Santa was a woman, imagine the trouble she'd have parking that thing on a roof! ;D

And anyway, I've seen the size of his sack...

Siege

Haha, great joke!

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"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

maleficent

and the reindeer are girls too...
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/reindeer.asp
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen . . . had to be a girl.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

makes those reindeer games a little more interesting, huh, boys?

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Charlatan

nuh unh... Santa is too a man and so are his reindeer... they are *magic* so none of these lies you are spreading apply.

I know 'cause I sat on his lap and he told me.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

maleficent

Now... not that there's anything wrong with it.... but wouldn't you feel better about sitting on a woman's lap, than on an old fat man's lap?

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vanblah

Santa is an elf ... a "right jolly old elf" at that ... and we all know that traditional <i>human</i> male/female roles don't apply to elves.

Astrocloud

Santa is actually a veteran of Helms Deep. He fought alongside the Rohirrim and is the only elf other than Legolas to survive. He killed many orcs in that battle...

maleficent

Santa is a Man - the rebuttal

In reference to "Santa is a woman"

Santa is a man.

It is precisely because Christmas is an "organized, warm,
fuzzy, nurturing social deal" that Santa has to be a man.
Delegation... that's the key. Just imagine if a woman was
trying to delegate all of those tasks and obligations to her
underlings. Christmas would be as ambiguous as the spring
equinox. Nobody would know what day of the year we were
going to celebrate it on.

It takes a man to organize a commercial event as huge as
Christmas. What with the ads, the parades, the football, and
(usually) the basketball, the sheer immensity of the task
would overwhelm most females. We'd have to plan football
schedules around lunch instead of the other way around. Or
worse yet... there might not be any football at all.
(Shudder) That's a scary thought.

If Santa was a female, the toys might never be delivered. It
would take a she Santa until New Year's Eve to get dressed
(for the third time) and out of the bathroom. And just try
harnessing those reindeer with freshly painted nails. Never
happen. Once she got underway, she'd be too busy talking on
the cell phone to her girl friends to get all the way around
the world to every girl and boy's house in a single year,
let alone a single night.

If Santa was female, the whole idea of gift giving would be
unrecognizable. Everybody would get socks, or ties, or
aftershave, or fuzzy slippers every year. There would be
none of the noise making, shoot 'em up, battery operated
windfalls that kids love. Bicycles would all come complete
with helmets and knee pads. And training wheels so nobody
could get hurt. Toy soldiers would be replaced by books on
improving one's self esteem. Christmas just wouldn't be the
same.

I'll tell you another reason why Santa has to be a man (AND
a football fan). Look at the names of his reindeer...
Dasher, Comet, Blitzen... If those aren't male names for
football players, than I'm an elf.

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