A holiday recipe passed down from generation to generation
 

Christmas Cookie Recipe

. 1 cup water
. 1 tsp. baking sod a
. 1 cup sugar
. 1 tsp. salt
. 1 cup brown sugar
. 1 tsp. lemon juice
. 4 large eggs
. 1 cup nuts
. 2 cups dried fruit
. 1 bottle Jim Beam

Directions:
Sample the Beam to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the Beam again, to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar, beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Beam is still OK, try another cup, just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy, break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in 1 cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Beam to check for toxicsisity (or whatever).
Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who giveshz ! a sheet.
Check the Beam - Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add 1 table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Beam and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Whatever my name is.

That's awesome

That would be a lot funnier if I didn't recognize the style of drunken typing as my own.

But other than that, I loved it!

I once read a funny recipe about a turkey, which was quite similar, but longer (and more fun, too) ; but this one made me laugh, too...

that's great!

I always liked the "large fluffy bowl" line, I don't know why.