Stages of Drunkenness - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 12-09-2005, 04:12 AM

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe.

You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen.

At this stage you are always RIGHT.

And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG.

This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you.

You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.

Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.

You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar.

You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets.

It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH.

You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.

This is because nothing can hurt you.

At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money.

You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness.

At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you.

You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you.

You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know allthe words.

IanSturgill · 12-09-2005, 10:37 AM

Hey thats me, copyright infringment... Ha, i never get much past the SMART stage

absorbentishe · 12-09-2005, 12:13 PM

Ain't it the truth!

Naked Communist · 12-11-2005, 11:17 PM

Ha ha ha

I think you just described the entire male population of the pool room at the bar I go to. Note, I live in a small town, so the the bar I go to is really the only bar to go to, but hey, let's not split hairs here.

MageB420666 · 12-11-2005, 11:34 PM

I don't go much past the smart stage either... but then again I am smart... just not a genius or an adept

maleficent · 12-12-2005, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naked Communist

I think you just described the entire male population of the pool room at the bar I go to. .

It also pretty much descibes the entire politics forum.. only I just didn't realize until now that they were drunk - -though it surely does explain a lot

loganmule · 12-12-2005, 09:02 PM

speaking for guys generally, I'd have to say that we can go through all of these stages without having a single drink...although drinking admittedly helps. It's just that people who think they know it all upset those of us who really do.

maleficent · 04-05-2006, 09:03 AM

Adding to this -

THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP

Stage 1 - STUPID

As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realize that you have lost not only several hours of your life, but also the ability to concentrate on anything at all. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.

Stage 2 - UGLY

Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror, the first thing you are horrified to discover is that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously thought possible. Not only have you got bloodshot eyes and a glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to try to shave while still shaking.

Stage 3 - POOR

Having crawled out of bed and got dressed, you are about to shamble out the door when you discover that the money that was to last you the week is now missing from your wallet. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to it but the traces of pizza on your clothes allow the possibility that you might have treated everyone to a takeout at some point. Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver a fifty dollar note by mistake.
Rationionalizing that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all night and start to loathe all your friends.

Stage 4 - FRAGILE

As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel liable to shatter if anyone even speaks to you.

Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS

This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe them and too UGLY to hide.

12-09-2005, 04:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Stages of Drunkenness Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART. Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know allthe words. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-11-2005, 11:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
Naked Communist Upright Location: the armpit of the Great Southwest	Ha ha ha I think you just described the entire male population of the pool room at the bar I go to. Note, I live in a small town, so the the bar I go to is really the only bar to go to, but hey, let's not split hairs here. __________________ We are ensnared by the wisdom of the serpent; we are freed by the foolishness of God. ---------------------- ...inside the museums infinity goes up on trial. Voices echo "this is what salvation must be like after a while"...

12-11-2005, 11:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
MageB420666 <Insert wise statement here> Location: Hell if I know	I don't go much past the smart stage either... but then again I am smart... just not a genius or an adept __________________ Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

04-05-2006, 09:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Adding to this - THE FIVE STAGES OF SOBERING UP Stage 1 - STUPID As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realize that you have lost not only several hours of your life, but also the ability to concentrate on anything at all. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours. Stage 2 - UGLY Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror, the first thing you are horrified to discover is that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously thought possible. Not only have you got bloodshot eyes and a glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably looks healthier. Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to try to shave while still shaking. Stage 3 - POOR Having crawled out of bed and got dressed, you are about to shamble out the door when you discover that the money that was to last you the week is now missing from your wallet. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to it but the traces of pizza on your clothes allow the possibility that you might have treated everyone to a takeout at some point. Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver a fifty dollar note by mistake. Rationionalizing that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all night and start to loathe all your friends. Stage 4 - FRAGILE As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical condition ensures that you feel liable to shatter if anyone even speaks to you. Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe them and too UGLY to hide. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-09-2005, 10:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
IanSturgill Crazy Location: Lex Vegas, KY	Hey thats me, copyright infringment... Ha, i never get much past the SMART stage

12-09-2005, 12:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Ain't it the truth!

12-12-2005, 09:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	speaking for guys generally, I'd have to say that we can go through all of these stages without having a single drink...although drinking admittedly helps. It's just that people who think they know it all upset those of us who really do.