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11-30-2005, 11:20 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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big damn hero
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This here was built by lesbians.
I haven't seen this one around...
Jack was in the market for a new getaway spot and he had his eyes on a series of cabins in the woods nearby. Never one just to jump headfirst into things, Jack took along his father-in-law, Thom to visit the properties and help him make his decision. Thom, a master carpenter with an eye for the particulars was the perfect man for the job. The first cabin they stopped was not 100 yards from the most beautiful piece of lakefront property either had ever seen. Despite the location, Thom was unimpressed and brought Jack back to the breaker box in the back of the house. The box was a jumble of wires and plastic caps. Switches had labels to identify them, but most were illegible and some weren't even labeled at all. "You can't buy this one, Jack." Thom said, "A man who does such a slip shod job on such an important part of the house...well, it makes you wonder what else in the house he half-assed. This man was either incredibly lazy or incredibly stupid. Either way, you don't want a house built by him." The second cabin's wiring was in good shape, but something felt wrong to old Thom. He walked around the house a couple of times and finally called Jack to stand with him in the front yard. "You can't buy this one either, Jack." Thom said, "Everything in this house is crooked. The door frames are out of whack, windows hang crooked and, look, even the roof sits funny. You know I bet this is old Jim's place. I knew he built himself a place up here. I never knew where, but I bet this one is his. You see, Jim messed up his neck real good one day when he took a bad hit playing football. Try as they might, the dang thing never really healed right and left him with a permanant head tilt." Jack and Thom visited a number of cabins in the woods and each time Thom would find something odd about them. One had a bad foundation, termites in another, one had septic problems and still another had the beginnings of what looked to be a nasty bout of dry rot. They finally made their way to the last cabin on the list. Thom bent down to inspect the ground. He walked carefully over floors listening for tell tale signs of some sort of trouble. He eyeballed the ceilings, the pitch of the roof, stairs, the toilets....everything was meticulously scrutinized and inspected by the old man. Jack waited patiently his father-in-law's assessment. "Well, Jack," said Thom, "I can't find a dern thing wrong with this house. Whoever put this one together did a helluva job. Everything's perfect. You buy this one and with a little routine maintenence she'll stand until your grandkid's grandkids are put in the ground." "Good." Jack said checking the price listing of the cabin. He noticed that it was substantially cheaper than the other properties they had visited that day. Surely there must be a reason why. "Are you sure, Thom? Not that I doubt you, but I'd sure like to be sure before I sign the papers, eh? "Nope," said Thom, "This is one fine built cabin. I've probably known only a couple of men who could have done this kind of work." "Who do you think did it?" Jack asked. "Built this? Wasn't none of the men I knew. This here was built by lesbians." "Lesbians?!? How in the world could you possibly know that?" wait for it..... "Cause," Thom said knocking on the wall and tapping the floor beneath his feet, "No studs. Everything's tongue & groove."
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No signature. None. Seriously. Last edited by guthmund; 11-30-2005 at 11:22 AM.. |
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