Men vs. Women
 

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

This is fantastic, one of best I've read in a while! Thanks

LOVE IT!
was that on collegehumor.com a while back?
where have i heard it?

wow, that is too funny. He may never have sex again; at least with her.

ahahaaha :)

I thought this was funny, but I told my girlfriend about it and she said that the boyfriend was ridiculing the girlfriend's request to not have sex... I thought that was the point of the joke, but...

Anyway, this is a good joke to pass from one male to another.*

*female results may vary

If a date isn't going well one of my favorite things to say is:

"So, shall I pay for sex upfront or would you prefer weekly payments of dinners and gifts?"

Too true. Too true.

I like it...I'm going to pass this one along.

You've actually done that?? :D

That was funny! My wife disagreed...

Heh, not in those exact words. I invited a girl out for lunch once and made it pretty damn clear that this is an outing, not a date and we pay for our own food. In the end she got offended because I would not pay for her food. So I said,

"If you don't mind I would preffer to pay for sex upfront instead of using the date and dinner payment plan." - or somethign along those lines. She wasn't too happy with that :lol:

Also whenever chicks diss working girls I always say "Atleast they are honest about taking money from you."

*really* good - i would definitely use this if i weren't sure that i'd end up dead afterward.

That was one of the better jokes ive heard in awhile. Bravo.

Funny, and I've heard this or something similar before...it underscores a gender issue, which is that a woman wants to be treated like a princess, but won't return the favor by treating her man royally, especially in the bedroom (if my wife reads this post, I'm definitely screwed in a bad way)

Nice friday joke at work, might pass it on!

Oh, and if I had a girl saying shit like ""You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.", then I would get even hehe...like bring her to the edge of orgasm, and whisper "what was that about..? Though im not sure death-by-shopping would be the best. Wonder if someone actually did this, or if it was bs

I LOVE that joke.. Ive had relationships kinda like that.. Not my current one of course.. if you're reading honey ;)

very funny