LoganSnake

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Brewmaniac

This is fantastic, one of best I've read in a while! Thanks

__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Temporary_User

LOVE IT!
was that on collegehumor.com a while back?
where have i heard it?

Ilow

wow, that is too funny. He may never have sex again; at least with her.

__________________
"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris

Zeraph

ahahaaha

politicophile

I thought this was funny, but I told my girlfriend about it and she said that the boyfriend was ridiculing the girlfriend's request to not have sex... I thought that was the point of the joke, but...

Anyway, this is a good joke to pass from one male to another.*

*female results may vary

__________________
The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error. ~John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

Mantus

If a date isn't going well one of my favorite things to say is:

"So, shall I pay for sex upfront or would you prefer weekly payments of dinners and gifts?"

HamiC

Too true. Too true.

Racer

I like it...I'm going to pass this one along.

denim

You've actually done that??

Xazy

That was funny! My wife disagreed...

Mantus

Heh, not in those exact words. I invited a girl out for lunch once and made it pretty damn clear that this is an outing, not a date and we pay for our own food. In the end she got offended because I would not pay for her food. So I said,

"If you don't mind I would preffer to pay for sex upfront instead of using the date and dinner payment plan." - or somethign along those lines. She wasn't too happy with that

Also whenever chicks diss working girls I always say "Atleast they are honest about taking money from you."

macmanmike6100

*really* good - i would definitely use this if i weren't sure that i'd end up dead afterward.

Funnel

That was one of the better jokes ive heard in awhile. Bravo.

loganmule

Funny, and I've heard this or something similar before...it underscores a gender issue, which is that a woman wants to be treated like a princess, but won't return the favor by treating her man royally, especially in the bedroom (if my wife reads this post, I'm definitely screwed in a bad way)

nightstuff

Nice friday joke at work, might pass it on!

Oh, and if I had a girl saying shit like ""You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.", then I would get even hehe...like bring her to the edge of orgasm, and whisper "what was that about..? Though im not sure death-by-shopping would be the best. Wonder if someone actually did this, or if it was bs

losthellhound

I LOVE that joke.. Ive had relationships kinda like that.. Not my current one of course.. if you're reading honey

__________________
"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

deportes

very funny