Best Bad Humorous Analogies
 

Winners of the "Best Bad Humorous Analogy Contest" in
the Washington Post Style Invitational Column:


She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook
latches that used to dangle from screen doors and
would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.


McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.


From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7
p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m.


Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the center.


Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.


The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her
life was a movie this guy would be buried in the
credits as something like "Second Tall Man."


Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like
two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period
after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.


They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth


John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.


The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound!
of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during
the storm scene in a play.


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.

Cool. The sixth one is my favorite.

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

That's lifted from Douglas Adams, if no one earlier. Funny stuff, though.

I'm a sucker for analogies, these were great! I love "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

These are as funny as, well, I'm not funny so I won't extrapolate.

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met."

I think i've seen this list before...i'll see if i still have a copy, 'cause i seem to remember a few more.

I have a hard copy (white sheet of paper) with these on them. I've had it for a few years, and it's refreshing to re-read them. Thank you for sharing them!

I must not be a very good writer, because I really liked some of those : )

Haha, I love this one! :D

My first exposure - very funny!

Favorite: "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

Aw man, your gonna make me count to see which is your favorite

Hah! Those are great. :D

# 6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

Thank, with one hand on my mouse I couldn't quite make it to six.

funny stuff
and funny reply by frogza