wolf

He is naked except for a large steering wheel attached to his crotch.

"Bartender give me a drink, it's been a long day" the pirate says

"Ummmm... you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch right?" asks the bartender

"ARRRR" says the pirate. "It's driving me nuts"

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Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Brewmaniac

Stupid joke! Nice try!

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

ngdawg

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Arrrrrrrr," says the pirate, "I wasn't used to the hook yet."

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Delvid

ngdawg's joke is the winner.

Brewmaniac

Now this is a classic! Thank you

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cellophanedeity

haha, I love both jokes, especially the first. So cheesy!