Best Bad Humorous Analogies - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

rmarshall · 10-04-2005, 09:43 AM

Winners of the "Best Bad Humorous Analogy Contest" in
the Washington Post Style Invitational Column:

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook
latches that used to dangle from screen doors and
would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7
p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black
dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her
life was a movie this guy would be buried in the
credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like
two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36
p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period
after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth

John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound!
of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during
the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.

vermin · 10-04-2005, 11:37 AM

Cool. The sixth one is my favorite.

Kadath · 10-04-2005, 11:54 AM

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

That's lifted from Douglas Adams, if no one earlier. Funny stuff, though.

Pip · 10-04-2005, 02:16 PM

I'm a sucker for analogies, these were great! I love "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

cellophanedeity · 10-04-2005, 06:42 PM

These are as funny as, well, I'm not funny so I won't extrapolate.

martinguerre · 10-04-2005, 07:46 PM

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met."

I think i've seen this list before...i'll see if i still have a copy, 'cause i seem to remember a few more.

Amnesia620 · 10-04-2005, 08:02 PM

I have a hard copy (white sheet of paper) with these on them. I've had it for a few years, and it's refreshing to re-read them. Thank you for sharing them!

hrandani · 10-05-2005, 06:48 AM

I must not be a very good writer, because I really liked some of those : )

Siege · 10-05-2005, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmarshall

John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

Haha, I love this one!

MichaelFarker · 10-05-2005, 08:41 PM

My first exposure - very funny!

Favorite: "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

frogza · 10-07-2005, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vermin

Cool. The sixth one is my favorite.

Aw man, your gonna make me count to see which is your favorite

Suave · 10-07-2005, 02:35 PM

Hah! Those are great.

rmarshall · 10-08-2005, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frogza

Aw man, your gonna make me count to see which is your favorite

# 6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

frogza · 10-10-2005, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmarshall

# 6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.

Thank, with one hand on my mouse I couldn't quite make it to six.

batm4n_23 · 10-10-2005, 06:49 AM

funny stuff
and funny reply by frogza

10-04-2005, 09:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
rmarshall Addict Location: Kingston,Ontario	Best Bad Humorous Analogies Winners of the "Best Bad Humorous Analogy Contest" in the Washington Post Style Invitational Column: She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound! of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

10-04-2005, 11:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
vermin Indifferent to anti-matter Location: Tucson, AZ	Cool. The sixth one is my favorite. __________________ If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

10-04-2005, 11:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
Kadath Muffled Location: Camazotz	"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't." That's lifted from Douglas Adams, if no one earlier. Funny stuff, though. __________________ it's quiet in here

10-04-2005, 02:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
Pip Likes Hats Location: Stockholm, Sweden	I'm a sucker for analogies, these were great! I love "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." Last edited by Pip; 10-04-2005 at 02:17 PM.. Reason: spelling

10-04-2005, 07:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met." I think i've seen this list before...i'll see if i still have a copy, 'cause i seem to remember a few more. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

10-04-2005, 06:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	These are as funny as, well, I'm not funny so I won't extrapolate.

10-04-2005, 08:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
Amnesia620 Forget me not... Location: See that dot on the map? I don't live there.	I have a hard copy (white sheet of paper) with these on them. I've had it for a few years, and it's refreshing to re-read them. Thank you for sharing them! __________________ For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

10-05-2005, 06:48 AM	#8 (permalink)
hrandani Insane	I must not be a very good writer, because I really liked some of those : )

10-05-2005, 08:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
MichaelFarker 2+2=5? Not again! Location: Dallas, Texas	My first exposure - very funny! Favorite: "Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

10-07-2005, 02:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	Hah! Those are great. __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

10-10-2005, 06:49 AM	#15 (permalink)
batm4n_23 Addict	funny stuff and funny reply by frogza