guthmund

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.

Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.

Finally they approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!"

He showed his son a gigantic machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages. It is the most expensive and most complicated machine in the whole of the factory."

The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"

"Why, yes, son, we do. We call it your mother."

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No signature. None. Seriously.

Seething

On a roll today, Guth! This one was great!

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Common sense is uncommon. Ironic, isn't it?

SirLance

Another good one! Thanks!

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Brewmaniac

Now that's a classic! Thanks

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

shesus

That was a good one. If you can't impress, insult.

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

optik_nerve

Haha, I love it.

Very good indeed.

nightmare

haha, ill have to tell that to the missus

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License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.