SirLance

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Sion

good shit Maynard.

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

santafe5000

What if i know the answers to all the quetion? Sould i be alarmed or just drink another beer?

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When all else fails, QUIT.

DEI37

Just drink another beer. Maybe two.

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

t3m3st

Isn't this a little too complex?

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I do it for the rare drops

vermin

You must be a city boy.

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

stonewallja

Funny stuff. I resemble those remarks.

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Red beans and ricely,

stonewallja

Astrocloud

So what'r the answers?

cj2112

the answer is 42!

Tophat665

I don't know about the rest, but the answer to number four is "a fair passel."

Well, actually:
1) If Uncle Cletus is on the porch with his rifle, t'aint no branch as can hold a possum more'un 2 lbs.

2) Trick question. It depends on if y'all're in a Ford or Chevy county.

3) 5 if they're from pre-1978 fullsized 'Merican cars, 15 if you need to tear 'em out o' rice burning nancy-mobiles.

4) Ain't we bin over thissun already?

5) Who the heck cares if Penguins get Sunburt anyhoo?

6) That's just yankee propagander. Our Dogs is plenty smart enough to get out from unner before that there porch lets go.

7) Yes jus' so long as none of em is so uppity that they jus has to have a doublewide.

8) T'aint no chance.

9) 'Nuther Trick question. Y'all know miners smoke Lucky Strikes when there's a gas warning.

10) That's just mean.
3 generations.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.