Those crazy Japanese! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Slavakion · 04-23-2005, 07:26 AM

An English teacher's misadventures in Japan...

http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

Vizzini · 04-23-2005, 09:26 AM

"It's actually a little disturbing to think that my life now includes a little Japanese girl who will randomly teleport into a place, yell "breasts!" at me, then teleport out as quickly as she came."

Some if this stuff is real good

lindseylatch · 04-23-2005, 10:12 AM

ALL of it is good...

LuciferJones · 04-23-2005, 10:38 AM

This stuff is hilarious

dfings · 04-23-2005, 06:02 PM

yea this stuff is hilarious

Ilow · 04-23-2005, 07:02 PM

this is really awesome stuff (IMHO), thanks for sharing it with us.

cinnles · 04-23-2005, 07:42 PM

great find, thanks.

guthmund · 04-23-2005, 10:37 PM

I laughed so loud, I think I woke the neighbors when I read this one....

He's talking about doing little skits in class to help the kids learn english..

Quote:

Doctor skit again. I'd been helping these particular boys with vocabulary, so I kind of had an idea what was coming...but I was in no way prepared for it.

Boy 1: Oh, hi. What's wrong?
Boy 2: (clutching his stomach) I have a pain here. I can't go toilet.
Boy 1: When did it start?
Boy 2: Two months ago.
Boy 1: Ok. Open your buttcrack.

Now, "open your buttcrack" is already strange enough. That alone might have been enough to amuse me for the rest of the day. What killed me though, was when Boy 2 stood up, hunched forward a bit, and with a facial expression that looked like he was sucking on a lemon while someone was telling him the family dog had been killed horribly, twice, he made this unforgettable "Huuuaaaaoooouuuugggghhhhh....." noise. ...What the hell is that?! The open your buttcrack noise? For you video gamers out there, imagine Guile's defeat scream from Street Fighter II, except prolongued and...uh...more constipated. That, coupled with the face he made...it still cracks me up just thinking about it.

I mean really, there's nothing more I can say about "Open your buttcrack" and "huuuuaaaaoooouuuugggghhhh" that could possibly make it any funnier.

questone · 04-24-2005, 10:40 AM

this stuff is hilarious

Fohur2 · 04-24-2005, 11:13 AM

HAHA holy good.So many places to quote.

robbdn · 04-24-2005, 01:02 PM

Ahhhh... this brings back fond memories. Every word of this rings true, most of which is similar to my own experiences. The scary thing is, you really kind of miss those crazy Japanese when you get back to boring old USA...

I'm not saying I miss having old Japanese men grab my ass on the train and invite me back to their apartment for anal sex during the cherry blossom festivals (I'm a hetero male), but the heated toilet seats sure were nice! And they take rejection very well, no hard feelings at all. Why, the first time I got penis-groped by a Japanese student I socked him about as hard as I've punched anybody, just by instinct, but he didn't take it personally. We actually got along better after that...

CSflim · 04-24-2005, 02:24 PM

Quote:

You know what's kind of funny though? Some kids can't say "Good morning", but damn near all of them can ask if I have a big dick. Or, "bigu dikku" in Engrish. [...]

I wish I could say it stops there, but actually, it gets worse. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho."

Actually, it's not so much a "game" as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.

Hahahaha!

That's great!

cellophanedeity · 04-26-2005, 07:46 PM

This is the best. I have sent the link to all of my nonTFP friends!

sub zero · 04-28-2005, 03:54 PM

Dude that rules on so many levels, being a teacher myself would be interesting to see how I could survive over there.

tehhappyboy · 04-29-2005, 10:07 PM

since he wont tell what octopus style is, any chance I can glean enlightenment from TFP? Anybody? So I can avoid it?

aKula · 04-30-2005, 01:48 AM

I found this a while ago (some linked me on IRC), some of his stories are great, his writing style is enjoyable aswell.
/me waits for next update.

Latch · 04-30-2005, 08:01 PM

I loved these.. very funny.

Thanks for sharing.

flat5 · 05-09-2005, 09:50 AM

I'm enjoying reading these editorials. (I'm a very slow reader)

Thank you for showing us the link, Slavakion

liquidlight · 05-10-2005, 01:33 PM

Alright, I have GOT to stop reading this guy at work. . . OMG!!!

04-23-2005, 07:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Slavakion Mjollnir Incarnate Location: Lost in thought	Those crazy Japanese! An English teacher's misadventures in Japan... http://outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

04-23-2005, 09:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
Vizzini Addict Location: Vancouver, BC	"It's actually a little disturbing to think that my life now includes a little Japanese girl who will randomly teleport into a place, yell "breasts!" at me, then teleport out as quickly as she came." Some if this stuff is real good __________________ Inconceivable!

04-23-2005, 10:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
lindseylatch Addict Location: Seattle, WA	ALL of it is good... __________________ "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

04-23-2005, 07:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ilow Junkie Location: Pats country	this is really awesome stuff (IMHO), thanks for sharing it with us. __________________ "Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about" --Sam Harris

04-24-2005, 01:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
robbdn Crazy	Ahhhh... this brings back fond memories. Every word of this rings true, most of which is similar to my own experiences. The scary thing is, you really kind of miss those crazy Japanese when you get back to boring old USA... I'm not saying I miss having old Japanese men grab my ass on the train and invite me back to their apartment for anal sex during the cherry blossom festivals (I'm a hetero male), but the heated toilet seats sure were nice! And they take rejection very well, no hard feelings at all. Why, the first time I got penis-groped by a Japanese student I socked him about as hard as I've punched anybody, just by instinct, but he didn't take it personally. We actually got along better after that... __________________ I'm swimming in the digital residue of a media-drenched world. It's too cold.

04-23-2005, 10:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
LuciferJones Tilted	This stuff is hilarious

04-23-2005, 06:02 PM	#5 (permalink)
dfings Upright	yea this stuff is hilarious

04-23-2005, 07:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
cinnles Addict	great find, thanks.

04-24-2005, 10:40 AM	#9 (permalink)
questone Crazy	this stuff is hilarious

04-24-2005, 11:13 AM	#10 (permalink)
Fohur2 Crazy	HAHA holy good.So many places to quote.

04-26-2005, 07:46 PM	#13 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	This is the best. I have sent the link to all of my nonTFP friends! __________________ who am I to refuse the universe? -Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

04-28-2005, 03:54 PM	#14 (permalink)
sub zero Addict Location: The one state that doesn't have black outs: TEXAS BABY!!!	Dude that rules on so many levels, being a teacher myself would be interesting to see how I could survive over there. __________________ Did you Google it yet? Join the TFP Typing team!!

04-29-2005, 10:07 PM	#15 (permalink)
tehhappyboy Tilted	since he wont tell what octopus style is, any chance I can glean enlightenment from TFP? Anybody? So I can avoid it? __________________ I'm a happy boy, happy boy, way to get when things are going your way. Hey Hey. ...Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies...

04-30-2005, 01:48 AM	#16 (permalink)
aKula Psycho	I found this a while ago (some linked me on IRC), some of his stories are great, his writing style is enjoyable aswell. /me waits for next update.

04-30-2005, 08:01 PM	#17 (permalink)
Latch In Your Dreams Location: City of Lights	I loved these.. very funny. Thanks for sharing.

05-09-2005, 09:50 AM	#18 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	I'm enjoying reading these editorials. (I'm a very slow reader) Thank you for showing us the link, Slavakion

05-10-2005, 01:33 PM	#19 (permalink)
liquidlight AHH! Custom Title!! Location: The twisted warpings of my brain.	Alright, I have GOT to stop reading this guy at work. . . OMG!!! __________________ Halfway to hell and picking up speed.