Cartuni

Why Men Won’t Read Maps

1. Maps are flat. No man wants to run his hands over a flat surface. He wants mounds. If you carried a 3D topographical map in the car, he’d use it.
2. Maps cause Folding Anxiety. Women don’t care if they fold the map up exactly the way it was to begin with. Men want to be able to restore the map’s virginity for the next time. They are inherently afraid this is not possible.
3. Maps do not reflect the man’s concept that he is the center of the universe. The map is not oriented to where he is at any given time. This is why men flock to the mall maps – there’s a big red arrow that indicates “YOU ARE HERE”. If a woman had designed the arrow, the text would read “SHOES ARE HERE”.
4. Maps contain no buttons, levers, or switches to manipulate. Without these, a man feels that a map is useless, low-tech, and a waste of his intellect.
5. Maps offer too many choices and compel too many decisions. Men want to go from A to B. They don’t want to spend time figuring out how.
6. Maps reflect the illogical world. Man is logical. He cannot compute that Independence Boulevard becomes Dutch Avenue, which turns into Dutch-Meister Road, and then changes to I-365 for ½ mile and then ends up as FM1040 and crosses Independence Boulevard three streets later. It upsets his psyche to read these things.

Charlatan

I don't know what you are talking about... I am a guy and I am obsessed with maps... can't get enough of them.

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ranger

that hurts in a vague way i'm suddenly disinterested in finding out...

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Dilbert1234567

http://maps.google.com/maps?spn=59.1...2813&t=k&hl=en


mmm google maps kicks ass...

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shadowmaster

mounds are good

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fulltiltgonzo

I like maps because where else would six inches = 300 miles?

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Cartuni

I had no idea my own perceptions had been so colored by the man I spent the last seven years with (who ended the relationship with one tragic mistake; it’s only been over three months and I may still be a tad bitter, but that’s another story). I see now that his total lack of map reading skills does NOT reflect the general male population. I wish to re-title my little essay “Why One Man and Not All Men Cannot Read a Map For the Life of Him and Who Got Us Lost Every Time We Went Anywhere”. Would that put me back in good graces? Wait, make it Two Men – my brother has to be counted…Mr. “I Drive on Instinct”. Maybe I’ve been hangin’ with the wrong fellows. Maybe I attract map-dysfunctional men. I do have fairly decent mounds, so I don’t think that’s the problem. ;-D

Charlatan

Don't sweat it Cartuni... this is the humour section after all.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

kurty[B]

I'd prefer a 3d topo map (or topo map in general) to a folding flat bland street map. mmmmm, mounds.

Maps are my friend!

Powderedmaggot

I'm with charlatan.

altyfc

Aaron

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Redlemon

In Philadelphia, there's an intersection of 44th Street and 43rd Street; that always hurt my brain.

And don't worry Cartuni, I laughed.

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macmanmike6100

yeah i thought it was a great joke :-) i generally don't like maps, though, just directions!