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05-21-2003, 05:29 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Addict
Location: Chicago
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For me its George Carlin, Eddie Izzard, and Dave Chappelle
*When they are going over the proper way to buckle your seat belt i'm plotting my course to the exit. I'll hurdle past the fat guy, knock down the old lady, and step on the kid* *sprinkles some crack on you* *Ciao*
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Where dem bitches at? |
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05-21-2003, 05:37 AM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Psycho
Location: Inverness, Fl.
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I'd have to say Robin Williams and George Carlin are my favorites.
Carlins hippy weather report is tops. And Robin Williams' "Mai Tai... Polaniesion word for dumb fuck."
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"Badgers?!? We don't need no stinking Badgers!!" "Now.. The mushrooms? Yeah, I'll have some more!" Does he have a name? Can I name him Dancey Mcgee? Spinach_Indeed |
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05-21-2003, 06:35 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Steel Town, Ontario
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Billy Crystal did excellent stand up, "You rlook mahvelous!", "I hate when that happens".
The Frantics shit a piece of pie and Robin Williams round out my top three.
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After all is said and done, more is said than done. |
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05-21-2003, 11:14 AM
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#6 (permalink) |
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The Cover Doesn't Match The Book
Location: in a van down by the river
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Eddie Izzard....and yes I'm striaght
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SWM, tattooed, seeks meaningful tits and beer. Enjoys biker mags, pornography, and Sunday morning walks to the liquor store. Winners of erotic hot dog eating contests given priority. |
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05-21-2003, 11:42 AM
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#7 (permalink) | |
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Hiding Out
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Quote:
"C'mon JUST SUCK MY BACK!!!"  My fav Cook quote. My favorite comedians are Dennis Leary, Lewis Black ( If you don't know him DL something from him off Kazaa, he is god.) and last but not least Mitch Hedberg. "Ya know some people say life sucks then you die. They're wrong, I believe life sucks then you get cancer, go into chemo, lose all your hair, then one day the cancer goes into remission you come out feeling good about yourself then a truck hits and MAYBE you die!" --Dennis Leary "No Cure for Cancer" "Every year I do my taxes and every year theres one question, when I get to I just go booauh and pass out. What is your non-farm income? Well that implies I own farmland. Now I know I did alot of LSD in my day, just in-case you guys didn't know that I DID, but I think I'd remember purchasing FARMLAND!! Well I gotta go now and find this farm of mine cause if I don't hurry I'll bet all the pig and ponies have died!" --Lewis Black "Taxed Beyond Belief" "I went to this heavy metal concert last night, man. It was off the hook, this band called Monster Magnet. The lead singer he comes out and says 'How many of you feel like humans?!' And I cheered. But then he said 'How many of you feel like animals?!' Then everyone else cheered. You see I didn't know there was a second part to the question. 'Yes I feel like a human, I do not feel like a tree.' --Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Special
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Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition |
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05-21-2003, 02:57 PM
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#9 (permalink) |
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Go faster!
Location: Wisconsin
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I like Bill Cosby still, yes, I know he's old, but he's still funny. Dave Chapelle and Chris Rock are probably rounding out my top 3.
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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised. |
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05-21-2003, 06:24 PM
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#10 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: 1 mile from Ground Zero
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Richard Pryor in his prime was untouchable.
Then Eddie Murphy came along. I think Robin Williams is my all time favorite. His HBO special last year from New York was hilarious!! If you haven't seen it, the DVE is out. Get ready to cry laughing Glad
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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!! |
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09-07-2003, 09:39 PM
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#18 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: In a Dorm
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Mitch Hedburg rocks.
"Death metal bands have such intense names. Rigor Mortis. Mortuary. Obituary. We weren't nearly as intense. Wounded. We later switched to Acapella, as we walked out of the pawn shop." "You should never wave at someone you don't know cause what if they don't have a hand? Then they'll think you're cocky. Look at what I got motherfucka. This shit is useful. I think I'll go pick something up." Pure genius.
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I am a ridiculous man- Fyodor Doestoevsky |
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09-08-2003, 11:29 AM
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#24 (permalink) | |
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It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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Quote:
Robert Schimmel Zack Galfafuckinforgothowtospellhislongassfuckinlastname STEVEN WRIGHT My ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with schitzophrenia last week....and you should never joke about that stuff but...yesterday she called my house....and my caller ID....exploded! - Zack (While playing the piano...cause...thats how he does it) My roomate is chinese...and I'm always playing the piano.....and whenever she comes into the house I play(plays chop sticks) and she looks at me and she's like "Why do you always play that when I come into the house?" and I say it's because I don't have a gong - Also Zack I was walking my dog around my building this morning....on the ledge.....see some people are afraid of heights....I'm afraid of widths - Steven My wife has a king-size bed I have a court jester size bed......the ends curl up and have little bells on them - also Steven This morning my wife leans over to me and says "Did you sleep good?" I said....no...I made a few mistakes - Steven again So before I left on this tour my wife stopped me and she asked me "So how long are you going to be gone on this tour" and I was like...."The whole time".... - Steven has countless good ones. Asta!! Last edited by K-Wise; 09-08-2003 at 11:32 AM.. |
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09-08-2003, 02:39 PM
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#26 (permalink) |
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Upright
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Tommy Cooper:
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" I hurt my back the other day. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off. "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." 'Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaaggh!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. |
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09-09-2003, 07:50 AM
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#31 (permalink) |
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Talk nerdy to me
Location: Flint, MI
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My favorite line from Mitch Hedburg is where it tlaks about how long it takes to cook baked potatos in the oven.
"Sometimes I throw a couple of potatos in the oven even when I'm not hungry, because by the time they're done...you never know."
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I reject your reality, and substitute my own -- Adam Savage |
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09-10-2003, 04:27 PM
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#39 (permalink) |
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Curious
Location: NJ (but just for college)
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yea ill have to go with mitch hedgeberg... if someone retells his jokes they just arent teh same, because the way he talks makes them completely!
"I havent slept for three days..... because that would be toooo long" -MH |
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| Tags |
| comedian, favorite |
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