toverfie

I always enjoy a good pun and had opportunity to enter a pun contest.....I really wanted to win so I actually entered 10 of my favorite puns in the hopes that at least one of them would receive at least some notice.....unfortunately for me.....no pun in ten did.

coyote

Very Punny

yogrill

thats good my knee is red from all the slapping

cmc

You don't say !

p0thead

haha, good one

Mavric98

very interesting

__________________
"Hope is for people that don't stand a chance."

DDDDave

My friend Vinny and I moved to a new town to open a florist shop.

Things were going good and our business was really taking off.

We were at our biggest customers business one day and he says 'Sorry we are going to start using the new guys'. New guys? What new guys?

Seems that the monastery outside of town had gone into the flower business and was undercutting our prices. Man, what were we going to do now?

Vinny says I am going to call my buddy Big Hugh from back home. I say 'WTF is this guy going to do for us?' We need some real muscle. He says don't worry. I say 'let's get somebody else...'

Then he says..... (get ready for it).....








Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

__________________
I am just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe...

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Thoreau

"Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm" - Emerson

Wheat King

Like others here, I enjoy a good pun. The first post fits that criteria. The last one does not.

And please, don't anybody post the Ghandi one about hexed by halitosis. It's old now. But I'd love some new puns.

Coppertop

The mighty Bill Hicks, on why it was impossible to shoot Kennedy from Oswald's room in the book depository:

"Not unless Oswald was hanging by his toes, upside-down from the ledge... surely someone would have seen this. Either that or some pigeons grabbed onto him, and flew him over the motorcade. You know, there was rumors of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars the night before the assassination. Someone overheard them saying Coup, coup!"

{Anti-Punk}

^Bill Hicks is great, and that CD was also one of his best ones. I don't have any puns off the top of my head right now, but I'll try to post one later.

Rlyss

Members of a chess club were attending an annual chess convention and were all shacked up at a hotel. After a particularly exciting day of chess they all came back and were milling around the lobby before they went to their rooms, discussing the games they played that day. The manager was getting annoyed at the noise they were making, so he came down and said...



"You'll have to go upstairs, I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"

Shwang

You guys need to be sent to the pun-itentiary.

joeshoe

Nice one Shwang. That's a pun I can actually use against other punners.

small one

Very punny

Hedgehog

My favorite is the one where the french restaurant famous for its eggs benedict changes ownership, and the new owner keeps the same chef, but changes the decor, including the plates and silverware. A critic comes in and immediately says the eggs benedict are not as good as before. The owner is irate and yells at the chef, demanding to know what has changed about the recipe, and the chef tells him that the old chrome steel plates were the secret behind the dish. The owner is bewildered and asks why the plates would matter? The chef replies....

"There's no plate like chrome for the hollendaise."

__________________
Wait a minute! Where am I, and why am I in this handbasket?

SirLance

A group of scientists lands on another planet, where they find a giant sitting like Rodin's Thinker. They speak to it, the poke at it, but they can't get it off it's chair.

Then, the giant stands up and says "I think, therefore I am!" and sits back down.

One of the scientists exclaims.....











"I get it! It only STANDS to reason!"

[ducking]

__________________
DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

SunScar

I can feel the punniness in this room...

__________________
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------