rider07

this is my first post, so if it sucks let me know

some people reckon these aren't funny but i love em.

What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

How come fred couldnt ride a bike?
becuase fred was a fish.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
he was hit by a flying fridge.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
he was holding onto the first one
Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
peer pressure
Why did the kangaroo fall over?
he was hit by a flying fridge and three koalas

Im pretty sure theres more to that one but i cant remember it. if anyone knows it can you please post. also if anyones got other good lame jokes please post em.

Sekshinate

i just heard these in my english class:

how do you get pikachu on the bus?
you pokemon!

why don't you take pokemon into the bathroom?
'cause they pikachu

lame, but everyone loved them

Sweeble

What's brown and sticky?
A stick!

tspikes51

This one's kind of long, but somebody thinks that it is seriously the funniest joke ever:

This guy was hauling some cookies along the coast in a truck. Some of the cookies fell out of the back. So the guy stops, gets out, and yells at the cookies: "Get back in there!!!" and they do.

A little further down the road, the cookies fell out again. The guy stopped and said "Get back in there, and if you fall out again, I'll throw you in the ocean," so they got back in.

The cookies fall out again, and sure enough, the driver tosses them in the ocean.

About a week later, the driver took his girlfriend out to a nice seafood restaraunt, and she ordered clams. When she opened the first one, guess what she found??? A cookie.

This girl I knew thought that that joke was absolutely hilarious.

Oh, one more:

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a bucket.

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"I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million."
-Maddox

carrot glace

a bear walks up to a guy, and the bear falls over dead. the guy says: "no bear walks up to me without getting shot"

just made that one up

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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

CSflim

Why did Amy fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

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feelgood

Why did Joe fall off the bar stool?
Because he can

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

small one

Did you say they were funny?

Scheme

no he/she said that they were lame jokes

FoolThemAll

I love the koala ones. Thanks.

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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

RespectThat

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RespectThat

What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes?
You can't venom all.

How did the puppet get into show business?
His friend pulled a few strings for him.

What is a cannibal’s favorite game?
Swallow the leader.

What did they cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
A cold shoulder.



thats all, enjoy!

goodhabits

what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?


dam!

Ishmal

why did the plane crash??


cause the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

jujueye

Geez. Why am I laughing at that.

cellophanedeity

Seeing as muttonglutton no longer posts, I can post his jokes!

What's fuzzy, green, has four legs and if it fell out of a tree it could kill someone beneath?
A pool table.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

MageB420666

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9. (I know, lame and old)

A mushroom walks into a bar, the bartender says: "Hey, we don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom responds: "Why not? I'm a fungi."

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mind block.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

KellyC

This one is my favorite.

A guy walks into a bar...

..."oww"...

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Redlemon

Two guys walk into a bar... you would have thought the second guy would have noticed.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

zen_tom

A man and a gorilla walk into the bar. The man orders a pint for himself, and asks for a pack of helicopter flavoured crisps for the gorilla.

The barman replies, "We don't have helicopter flavour crisps, but we do have plain."

They leave, to be replaced by a man and a large giraffe. They order, drink and leave, however, on the way out the giraffe bumps its head on the low beam over the door and falls down dead in the doorway, the giraffe's owner apparently hasn't noticed and continues walking off into the distance.

The barman cries out after the man "Oiy! You can't leave that lyin' there!"

The man hears, and turns around to say, "It's not a bloody lion, it's a giraffe!"

Ishmal

Heh. i didn't get that one at first... nice!





i've heard,

two blondes walk into a bar...

you'd think the second one would have ducked.

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

Fohur2

Groans and chuckles.

DJKDAWG

Those were great I love them.

Redlemon

D'oh. "Ducked". Yeah, it works better that way, thanks.

A duck walks into a bar, and asks for a drink. The bartender asks if he'll be paying up front, but the duck says, "No, just put in on my tab".

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Redlemon

A duck walks into a bar, which is funny, because it's a duck.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Reese

"A duck walks into a bar, and asks for a drink. The bartender asks if he'll be paying up front, but the duck says, "No, just put in on my tab"."

Duck walks into a 7-11 and asks for some chapstick.
Clerk says will that be cash or charge?
Duck says "Just put in on my bill!"


What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: You know we have a drink named after you.
Grasshopper: Why would you have a drink named "Bob"?

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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

batm4n_23

some of these are lame and some are kinda funny

Johnny Pyro

What sea creature is always grouchy?........guess....he he..........come on.....give up?....he he...The Crabby!!! Get it!!

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"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

HLP

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

FSSSSSSSSHHHHH


What is green and has 4 wheels?

Grass (I lied about the wheels)

noodle

Why was the blonde's bellybutton so big?
Her boyfriend was blonde, too, eh.


Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Cow Wh--
MOO!

Also used by kids with Duck/Quack, Rooster/Cockadoodledoo, Pig/Oink. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Unfortunately, kids can go for hours in a car with every animal that they can possibly conceive of and the noise it makes. And laugh hysterically at each and every one until the trip takes an extra hour from all the pee breaks resulting from the excessive laughter.

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DEI37

You know, I find myself laughing at a lot of these. It's kind of silly, really. Sorry I don't have any to contribute, though.

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

paj

Q. What do you call someone else's chips?

A. Natcho chips!


Q. What did the chicken say to the kangaroo?

A. I like cheese

(only tell that one to people that are extemely high, i'm warning you)

Sugarmouse

Lame jokes are te best.

ive always loved

'what do you call a fly with no wings??


'a walk'!



i laughat my own lame jokes..i never find supposedly funny ones funny though!

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Sugarmouse=Festered

Redlemon

I read something interesting about children and humor, and how they understand the format of a joke before they understand what makes jokes funny. Anyway, the most important part of the article was that if your small child tells you a joke, laugh, even if you don't get it; it will help them develop.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Gatorade Frost

That's funnier as:

Why was Hellen Keller's bellybutton so big?
Herboyfriend was blind and deaf too.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

Jeff

A lot of these remind me of Neil Hamburger jokes, since it's really what he's all about...


"Why does Britney Spears sell so many records? Because the public is horny and depressed."

"Why did God invent Fleetwood Mac? Because he was high on PCP."

"Why did all of the members of Metallica cut their hair? It was the only way they could get the matted cum out."

"Why does E.T. love Reese's Pieces? Because they have the same flavor that cum does on his home planet!"

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For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
--Charles Bukowski

Ishmal

when is a pixie not a pixie???



when hes got his head up a fairys skirt,
then hes a goblin.

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

Salomon

Hehehehehehehehehe!!

Poppinjay

<i>Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.</i>

But they do have a hatchback.

I was visited by a ghost last night. It was a very nice ghost. He was willing to let me take his picture. They didn't turn out though. The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

SirLance

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew the light bulb.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

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