Warning....Men - read through to the end!!!! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Minx · 05-15-2003, 01:37 PM

Female Prayer....

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the creep
you sent me instead. Amen.

Male Prayer....

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen.

Cursive · 05-15-2003, 03:03 PM

ROFLMAO

TerresqueÜ · 05-15-2003, 04:09 PM

Hhahahahahahha deaf-mute nymph with jugs!!! GOOD ONE!

yodapaul · 05-15-2003, 06:05 PM

hehe.

Pretty good, Minx Thanks for the laugh.

crewsor · 05-15-2003, 06:26 PM

I liked that.....a lot.

oxymorphone · 05-15-2003, 06:32 PM

Oh so right, so right.

Quadraton · 05-15-2003, 06:38 PM

Replace liquor store with an Electronics Boutique, and I'm set (yes, I know, I know).

I heard another female prayer that was kind of like that, but it wasn't as extensive.

<I>Now I lay me down to sleep
With the boy across the street
My, won't Mommy be surprised
When she sees my tummy rise</I>

small one · 05-16-2003, 12:40 AM

I like that

clifclav · 05-16-2003, 05:21 AM

very good one. thanks

GSRIDER · 05-16-2003, 07:18 AM

I didn't know the truth could be so funny

crackpot · 05-16-2003, 07:23 PM

Funny stuff, thanks for the post!

BillyBaldwin · 05-16-2003, 07:56 PM

Eh, deaf-mute nymphomaniacs with huge boobs who own liquor stores are great. They sign their screams when we do it.

MikeyChalupa · 05-17-2003, 07:19 AM

George Carlin once prayed for a nymphomaniac coke connection who owned a Ferrari dealership.

-Mikey

Frowning Budah · 05-17-2003, 08:27 AM

Go to show men are much more succinct : )

Eviltree · 05-17-2003, 04:06 PM

yup, that's pretty funny

bhamv · 05-17-2003, 05:03 PM

Wouldn't want her to be completely mute... the listening is part of the fun of playing with her huge jugs. But otherwise, this is so very true.

mjby2 · 05-18-2003, 06:07 AM

Very good!

microdot · 05-18-2003, 02:27 PM

Hahah, thats damn good.

RAMONES!!! · 05-18-2003, 03:20 PM

that was a classic all the way through

opentocomments · 05-18-2003, 06:19 PM

Why not?

hotzot · 05-18-2003, 08:11 PM

you got a chuckle!

uffjohn · 05-20-2003, 05:26 AM

haha

vermin · 05-20-2003, 07:08 AM

Quote:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen.

Been prayin' this for years.

Skettios · 05-20-2003, 07:24 AM

I'm sitting on what most women are after. My wallet.

Steviefranchise · 05-20-2003, 08:45 AM

funny

reconmike · 05-20-2003, 06:05 PM

funny stuff, thanks

Zooksport2 · 05-21-2003, 04:10 AM

Aw geez why does everyone pick on us blokes..... sniff

riptide4070 · 05-21-2003, 07:18 AM

creative, kinda funny

rideough · 05-21-2003, 04:28 PM

bwah haaa haaa haaa

snowace56 · 05-21-2003, 09:13 PM

What she asked for was basically a homosexual, as for the guy I'd like to meet just a hot chick with big boobs and a liquor store who isn't a hick or mexican.

MacGnG · 05-21-2003, 10:06 PM

i'm so glad the male prayer is as stereotypical as the female prayer

cute tho

edit: lol i didnt realize it was the humor forum

duckduck · 05-22-2003, 12:21 AM

Nice. Almost shed a "humor" tear over that one.

Washington · 06-01-2003, 08:48 AM

haha... i liked this one

bravo49 · 06-01-2003, 10:18 AM

I can relate to the second prayer

aarchaon · 03-18-2004, 05:15 AM

A deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.

Hell, thats what I would be praying for. Who wouldn't want one of those?

losthellhound · 03-18-2004, 03:57 PM

tee hee.. not what Id wish for, but good luck to everyone who has

Esoteric · 03-18-2004, 04:52 PM

Hahahaha

05-15-2003, 01:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Warning....Men - read through to the end!!!! Female Prayer.... Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen. Male Prayer.... I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

05-15-2003, 03:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cursive Tilted	ROFLMAO __________________ Never trust anything that bleeds for 6 days and doesn't die

05-15-2003, 04:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Hhahahahahahha deaf-mute nymph with jugs!!! GOOD ONE! __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

05-15-2003, 06:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
yodapaul Insane Location: MN	hehe. Pretty good, Minx Thanks for the laugh. __________________ I'm Just here to help. Now, Where is your problem? Last edited by yodapaul; 05-15-2003 at 06:08 PM..

05-15-2003, 06:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
crewsor Women want me. Men fear me. Location: Maryland,USA	I liked that.....a lot. __________________ We all have wings, some of us just don't know why.

05-15-2003, 06:32 PM	#6 (permalink)
oxymorphone Upright Location: under a rock	Oh so right, so right.

05-15-2003, 06:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
Quadraton Addict Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada	Replace liquor store with an Electronics Boutique, and I'm set (yes, I know, I know). I heard another female prayer that was kind of like that, but it wasn't as extensive. <I>Now I lay me down to sleep With the boy across the street My, won't Mommy be surprised When she sees my tummy rise</I> __________________ "A witty saying proves nothing" - Voltaire

05-16-2003, 12:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
small one Banned Location: York	I like that

05-16-2003, 05:21 AM	#9 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	very good one. thanks __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

05-16-2003, 07:18 AM	#10 (permalink)
GSRIDER spurt king Location: Out of my mind	I didn't know the truth could be so funny __________________ No signature at this time.

05-16-2003, 07:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
crackpot Junkie Location: Montreal	Funny stuff, thanks for the post!

05-16-2003, 07:56 PM	#12 (permalink)
BillyBaldwin Upright	Eh, deaf-mute nymphomaniacs with huge boobs who own liquor stores are great. They sign their screams when we do it.

05-17-2003, 07:19 AM	#13 (permalink)
MikeyChalupa Squid Location: USS George Washington	George Carlin once prayed for a nymphomaniac coke connection who owned a Ferrari dealership. -Mikey

05-17-2003, 08:27 AM	#14 (permalink)
Frowning Budah Slave of Fear	Go to show men are much more succinct : )

05-17-2003, 04:06 PM	#15 (permalink)
Eviltree Psycho Location: British Columbia	yup, that's pretty funny

05-18-2003, 06:07 AM	#17 (permalink)
mjby2 Crazy	Very good!

05-18-2003, 02:27 PM	#18 (permalink)
microdot Crazy	Hahah, thats damn good.

05-18-2003, 08:11 PM	#21 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	you got a chuckle! __________________ The Bully Boys are here!

05-20-2003, 05:26 AM	#22 (permalink)
uffjohn Crazy	haha

05-17-2003, 05:03 PM	#16 (permalink)
bhamv Upright	Wouldn't want her to be completely mute... the listening is part of the fun of playing with her huge jugs. But otherwise, this is so very true.

05-18-2003, 03:20 PM	#19 (permalink)
RAMONES!!! _-_---_-_	that was a classic all the way through __________________ Come on

05-18-2003, 06:19 PM	#20 (permalink)
opentocomments Psycho Location: St. Louis	Why not? __________________ How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all color-blind?

05-20-2003, 07:24 AM	#24 (permalink)
Skettios Condition: Stable and Improving Location: Finger on the little red button.	I'm sitting on what most women are after. My wallet. __________________ Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. Frederich Nietzsche

05-20-2003, 08:45 AM	#25 (permalink)
Steviefranchise Upright Location: Houston, TX	funny __________________ The Franchise

05-20-2003, 06:05 PM	#26 (permalink)
reconmike Thank You Jesus Location: Twilight Zone	funny stuff, thanks __________________ Where is Darwin when ya need him?

05-21-2003, 04:10 AM	#27 (permalink)
Zooksport2 Casual... Real Casual Location: Orstraylia	Aw geez why does everyone pick on us blokes..... sniff __________________ "And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but your older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death" ...pink floyd

05-21-2003, 07:18 AM	#28 (permalink)
riptide4070 Addict Location: Boone, NC	creative, kinda funny __________________ "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

05-21-2003, 04:28 PM	#29 (permalink)
rideough Insane Location: Ottawa...the greatest city in Canada...down the road from silentjay!	bwah haaa haaa haaa __________________ i may or may not be on acid right now....

05-21-2003, 09:13 PM	#30 (permalink)
snowace56 Loser Location: Bakersfield...The rest stop town	What she asked for was basically a homosexual, as for the guy I'd like to meet just a hot chick with big boobs and a liquor store who isn't a hick or mexican.

05-21-2003, 10:06 PM	#31 (permalink)
MacGnG Know Where!	i'm so glad the male prayer is as stereotypical as the female prayer cute tho edit: lol i didnt realize it was the humor forum

05-22-2003, 12:21 AM	#32 (permalink)
duckduck Psycho Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant	Nice. Almost shed a "humor" tear over that one. __________________ Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!

06-01-2003, 08:48 AM	#33 (permalink)
Washington Insane Location: somewhere cool	haha... i liked this one __________________ there is no absolute, only the moment.

06-01-2003, 10:18 AM	#34 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	I can relate to the second prayer

03-18-2004, 05:15 AM	#35 (permalink)
aarchaon Insane	A deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Hell, thats what I would be praying for. Who wouldn't want one of those? __________________ Green. Yellow. Blue.

03-18-2004, 03:57 PM	#36 (permalink)
losthellhound Thats MR. Muffin Face now Location: Everywhere work sends me	tee hee.. not what Id wish for, but good luck to everyone who has __________________ "Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?" -- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

03-18-2004, 04:52 PM	#37 (permalink)
Esoteric Tired Location: Florida	Hahahaha __________________ From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins