Top Ten Marriage Quotes - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Daval · 05-14-2003, 03:32 PM

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

Silverbrain · 05-14-2003, 04:41 PM

4 State troopers ...and a dog LOL!

cchris · 05-14-2003, 06:31 PM

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

It's worth the money.

josobot · 05-14-2003, 07:51 PM

marriage is like the harshness of reality...grin, bear it, if you make a decent choice, enjoy it

loganmule · 05-14-2003, 08:25 PM

these are all good, and have a similar sentiment to the Rod Stewart line that instead of getting married again, he'd just find a woman he didn't like and give her a house

Sion · 05-14-2003, 09:46 PM

11. Q: why is divorce so expensive? A: because it's worth it.

12. Marriage is an institution. And anyone who voluntarily get married more than once should be put in one.

13. Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering.

14. Sure fire cure for nymphomania: 5th wedding anniversary.

small one · 05-15-2003, 12:48 AM

The bride says three things in church:-

AISLE

ALTAR

HYMN

TwoToTango · 05-15-2003, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Daval
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

Every time this gets posted -- which is
pretty often -- I have to reply:

Laugh now, youngsters. Come back after
20-odd years of marriage and see how
many of these strike you as funny.

Prophecy · 05-15-2003, 06:47 AM

" In the first year of marriage, the man speaks & the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks & the man listens. In the third year, they both & the neighbors listen."

"When a man opens the door of his car for his wife you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife."

clifclav · 05-15-2003, 10:16 AM

four state troopers and a dog indeed. very clever

Zooksport2 · 05-16-2003, 06:54 AM

Very funny. Loved them all.....

portieri · 05-16-2003, 08:05 AM

"Dust", pretty f***ing funny.

05-14-2003, 03:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Daval Junkie Location: The True North Strong and Free!	Top Ten Marriage Quotes 1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" 2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested. 3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog. 4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. 5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. 6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. 7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. 8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. 9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late." 10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful. __________________ "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it." Winston Churchill

05-14-2003, 04:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
Silverbrain Addict Location: Nor Cal	4 State troopers ...and a dog LOL! __________________ Over Thinking, Over Analyzing Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

05-14-2003, 06:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. It's worth the money. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

05-14-2003, 09:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sion Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.	11. Q: why is divorce so expensive? A: because it's worth it. 12. Marriage is an institution. And anyone who voluntarily get married more than once should be put in one. 13. Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering. 14. Sure fire cure for nymphomania: 5th wedding anniversary. __________________ He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

05-15-2003, 06:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
Prophecy Oracle & Apollyon Location: Limbus Patrum	" In the first year of marriage, the man speaks & the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks & the man listens. In the third year, they both & the neighbors listen." "When a man opens the door of his car for his wife you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife." __________________ La Disciplina È La Mia Spada, La Fede È Il Mio Schermo, Non salti Ciecamente In Incertezza, E Potete Raccogliere Le Ricompense.

05-14-2003, 07:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
josobot Insane	marriage is like the harshness of reality...grin, bear it, if you make a decent choice, enjoy it

05-14-2003, 08:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	these are all good, and have a similar sentiment to the Rod Stewart line that instead of getting married again, he'd just find a woman he didn't like and give her a house

05-15-2003, 12:48 AM	#7 (permalink)
small one Banned Location: York	The bride says three things in church:- AISLE ALTAR HYMN

05-15-2003, 10:16 AM	#10 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	four state troopers and a dog indeed. very clever __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

05-16-2003, 06:54 AM	#11 (permalink)
Zooksport2 Casual... Real Casual Location: Orstraylia	Very funny. Loved them all..... __________________ "And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but your older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death" ...pink floyd

05-16-2003, 08:05 AM	#12 (permalink)
portieri Tilted	"Dust", pretty f***ing funny.