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More from "Fuzzy Memories"

Of all my imaginary friends, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill.

(one more)

Grandpa used to describe the size of everything in terms of a calf. For instance, if he was describing a large dog, he would say it was "about as big as a calf." Or about a car, he would say it "could seat for calves comfortably." (Oh, that was another thing: how many calves could ride in something.)
One time he was talking about a calf he had, and I asked him how big it was. He said it was "about three-quarters as big as a calf."
Sometimes Grandpa would tell time by calves. If you asked him how long something would take, he'd say "About as long as it takes a calf to drive over here."

Long funny one will be posted tommorrow! (one of my favorites)

WarriorBuddha

That first one's great.

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Thockmorton knew if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

CoachAlan

That first one's getting stored away to spring on some unsuspecting conversationalist one day.

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"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"
- Mark Twain