yster

a little late, but here's more from "Fuzzy Memories"

When I was seven, I told my friend Timmy Barker I would give him a million dollars if he would eat an earthworm. He ate the worm, but I never gave him the million dollars. As of last week, all I had given him was $9,840.

(and another)

I didn't want to cut down that tree. But I had no choice. It was growing right where I'm going to build my house, if I can ever get enough money together to build it and if I also have enough money to buy the land. That's another thing: I need to find out who owns that land.

ultra_agent9

Very funny, although I have no idea who Jack Handey is...

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Champaigne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

yster

He put out 4 books that I know of, all containing little humorous lines similar to these. He is most famous from Saturday Night Live, where his quotes would be read over some relaxing nature-type music with wholesome family images in the background.

foscon

I wish they would bring Deep Thoughts back, I cry every time I read them!!!!!!Keep going!