Marriage Is Not A Word - It's A Sentance!!!
 

Part 1...

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."

"Where are you going coochy cooh...?", asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you
know... the frozen glass...".

He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting
chills holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips,etc.

"But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."

The wife looks at him and said, "You want some dirty words cutie pie?

SIT THE FUCK DOWN - DRINK YOUR FUCKIN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKIN' MUG - EAT YOUR FUCKIN' SNACKS - YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE FUCKIN' BAR !!! GOT IT, ASSHOLE ?!?!"


Part 2...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, " Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee," Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today!"

damn....

it feels so good not to be married to that woman....

I don't know, she did provide him with lots of beer and snacks. Marriage is all about finding the good in the bad.

The way I see it. Time to call some friends over

cJoe got it right, time to bring the bar to your house!

I like the second part best, Ive heard the first before and its funny, but the second was new to me and that made it funnier.

both relatively cute. thanks

"I would have gotten out today!"

THAT is good, I saw the other one coming, cept' I thought it'd be the guy yelling.

damn the wife smoked me cuz i was howlin' at the 2nd one.......

guess she didn't like it as much as me.

*i'm out in 5 year's*

Oh, the second one was great. Absolutely loved it.

lol, i love marriage jokes (probably because I'm not married!)