Hanxter

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....
But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an Revenue Canada ID badge and dull grey suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a Revenue Canada agent."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
**POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
**POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.

Snakeyes

GODDAMN, that was not funny!