slimshaydee

This guy bursts into his house and shouts, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "That's wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care-just get the hell out!"

Redlemon

The lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.
- Penn Gillette

Shpoop

awesome joke...and thats just too true redlemon

Delvid

Better cut her a check for half the winnings.

soopafreek

that was SOOOOO funny. you made my day. thanks!

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aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

braindamage351

Both are great.

mikec

hahahhaha, that is excellent!!! good one!

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Until the 20th century, reality was everything humans could touch, smell, see, and hear. Since the initial publication of the charted electromagnetic spectrum, humans have learned that what they can touch, smell, see, and hear is less than one millionth of reality

mordret

Oldie but goodie ! Thanks !

CoachAlan

This one is definitely being told tomorrow. I love those sharp little barbs.

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"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"
- Mark Twain

Gortexfogg

Hehe, nice one.

Gabbyness

Hahh, awesome.