30 things you'll never hear a woman say.
 

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

4. Bar food again! Kick ass.

5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass.

11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.

14. You are so much smarter than my father.

15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

21. I'll be out painting the house.

22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

25. Your mother is way better than mine.

26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

29. Look! My ass is fatter than yours!

30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

Hahaha very nice.

You'd have to point a gun in their head plus all the diamonds in the world in order to make them even think about these thoughts....

LOL what about if shes a Bi girl like me hehehehe.
I grew up around all brothers and a dad no mom so I'm just like a dude but with the girl body parts.

Hey now... I've said a few of those things....

Those are great.

those are awesome. I need my wife to take some notes, 2, 10, 18, and 19, I am not greedy, just a couple

I've said more than a couple of those things.


Man....do my balls itch. : X

Hardy har har. If only #8 could come true. That's the one you have to marry.

31. Yeah anal is a great idea.

Yeah, and then I woke up!

If I even SHOWED my girl these....


Couch for a month.






It's like camping.

Great list but you missed

#32 Honey, I unclogged the toilet all by myself.

haha, excellent

muuhahahah! That is priceless! I really don't think no matter how long I live, that I will hear any of those words muttered in order!! ;)

pretty true/ lol

<b><font color=FFFF00 face="comic sans ms">Great but should I show my wife? Sometimes her sense of humor is less than...</font></b><br>
<b><font size=+2 color=FF0000 face="comic sans ms">Thanks!</font></b>

Actually, I've heard:
17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

And was completely floored when she said what amounted to:
8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

And she's said, over the years, things that add up to:
14. You are so much smarter than my father.

I love my wife.

33. There was a bug in the house. I killed
it myself.

34. Why don't you fire up the camcorder
and give me a really good facial? Then
you can show it to all your friends!

35. From now on, honey, if I don't have a
single thing to say, I'm just going to be
quiet.


If you ask me, I'd say #35 is the least
likely of all of them. I think the ability to
STFU is wired to the y-chromasome.

Re: 30 things you'll never hear a woman say.
 

I have said some variation of these, thank you very much!

AS IF

Seriously, I've said more than a few of these myself. I think it takes a special breed of woman. Maybe a woman who digs TFP? ;)

A woman who "digs" TFP is already special. And very unusual, in my experience.

agreed.

Re: 30 things you'll never hear a woman say.
 

I already use this one. Why wear a lot of clothes if nobody is visiting/you're not going out?