Conversations NOT to have with your wife - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mobo · 04-25-2004, 12:50 AM

This is why it's not advisable to have a conversation with your wife while eating dinner...just remain silent,and nod politely at whatever she says, regardless how stupid or inane her comments are

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "Shit."

qtpye4u84 · 04-25-2004, 02:01 AM

aaaaaahahahahahahahahahah LoL I thought that was very funny and cute!!!!!!
JUst say uhuh babe, uhuh babe to every thing then she will know your not listening, then she will tell you that your not listening,then you tell her sorry, you were thinking of her naked or something then she might not bother you lol and you wont have to talk about what she wants lol.(works on me)

manalone · 04-25-2004, 04:03 AM

ROFL, good one

questone · 04-25-2004, 06:40 AM

Side splitting

pta200 · 04-25-2004, 08:31 AM

HAHAHAHAHHA!

Schwan · 04-25-2004, 09:24 AM

Excellent.

KellyC · 04-25-2004, 02:49 PM

Men can never win...

slimshaydee · 04-25-2004, 10:17 PM

LMAO
I didnt get that at first

Fob_Magi · 04-26-2004, 12:19 AM

lol.. funny

R3d · 04-26-2004, 12:22 AM

LOL nice one

Regziever · 04-26-2004, 01:40 AM

Lol perfect!
What a slip.
Great joke!

oblar · 04-26-2004, 03:39 AM

very nice joke

didn't see that ending coming.

Gortexfogg · 04-26-2004, 04:04 AM

Nice one!

bond007 · 04-26-2004, 08:25 AM

vintage!

zaiaz · 04-26-2004, 12:58 PM

Damn!....I hate when that happens

but the best way to bust someone is to ask them when they are sleeping. I know because I do it all the time.

HeLLVieW96 · 04-26-2004, 04:08 PM

haha, good times, now only to have that played out in a scene of a movie...heh, fun fun

small one · 04-28-2004, 01:57 AM

Foot in it

deportes · 05-02-2004, 12:02 PM

good one

Sliver Master · 05-02-2004, 04:31 PM

lol! I like it

.

jahmdir · 05-03-2004, 12:20 AM

Nice one...

jahmdir · 05-03-2004, 12:24 AM

Always some good stuff

Sorry... trying to post to other thread

Blackthorn · 05-03-2004, 04:23 PM

Now that's HYSTERICAL!!!

Cosmo Girl · 05-03-2004, 04:39 PM

lol yeah that sounds accurate....what he should have said was...."no one could ever replace you, after you, i don't think that i could ever love another person. After all.... with you, i already have perfection, anything else would be a step back" come on boys...it's not that hard. While i don't recommend this obvious of a cliche...something along those lines, as long as you mean it...works like a charm

akechi · 05-08-2004, 05:01 AM

hehehe ~ very funny!

Mobo · 05-09-2004, 11:15 PM

I actually tried something similar with my wife today just for kicks. the script suffered a bit but she got pissed. boy, she got pissed.

i then showed her the post and she calmed down a bit.

what is with you women???? cant you talk a joke???

TGB001 · 05-10-2004, 04:26 AM

I like that one. Will try it on the wife. Never know might get lucky

Traff · 05-10-2004, 09:20 AM

open mouth,
insert foot

smilodon · 05-26-2004, 04:45 AM

hehehehehe

Delvid · 05-26-2004, 06:08 AM

Great joke or is this a true story?

indiretto · 05-29-2004, 10:16 AM

LOL, thats a good one, very funny.

omid · 05-29-2004, 09:33 PM

LOL nice

p0thead · 05-30-2004, 09:16 AM

still funny after reading it so many times. thanks!

duckduck · 05-30-2004, 06:41 PM

Frickin' sweet.

Though, during the silence part you left out the "wife with frickin' laser beam eyes" part.

Captain Canada · 05-30-2004, 07:29 PM

Haha. That's a pretty funny one.

mrphil2 · 05-31-2004, 08:06 AM

You gotta love a guy that plans ahead!!

tekaweni · 06-05-2004, 03:22 PM

<b>HUSBAND: "Shit."</b>

yeah!

yoda77 · 06-07-2004, 01:40 PM

Being a golfer I heard a similar version of that one but its a CLASSIC...

tcm_eternal · 06-10-2004, 04:21 PM

Yes! I love it
great post

stankybcn1 · 06-10-2004, 09:19 PM

that's a great one, thanks

Eric640 · 06-13-2004, 08:10 PM

good one

04-25-2004, 12:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mobo Upright	Conversations NOT to have with your wife This is why it's not advisable to have a conversation with your wife while eating dinner...just remain silent,and nod politely at whatever she says, regardless how stupid or inane her comments are WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "Shit."

04-25-2004, 02:01 AM	#2 (permalink)
qtpye4u84 Flavor+noodles Location: oregon	aaaaaahahahahahahahahahah LoL I thought that was very funny and cute!!!!!! JUst say uhuh babe, uhuh babe to every thing then she will know your not listening, then she will tell you that your not listening,then you tell her sorry, you were thinking of her naked or something then she might not bother you lol and you wont have to talk about what she wants lol.(works on me) __________________ The QTpie

04-25-2004, 04:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
manalone Once upon a time...	ROFL, good one __________________ -- Man Alone ======= Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

04-25-2004, 02:49 PM	#7 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	Men can never win... __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

04-26-2004, 12:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Fob_Magi Psycho Location: Texas	lol.. funny __________________ Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I live I will kill you, if I die you are forgiven". Such is the Rule of Honor.

04-25-2004, 06:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
questone Crazy	Side splitting

04-25-2004, 08:31 AM	#5 (permalink)
pta200 Insane	HAHAHAHAHHA!

04-25-2004, 09:24 AM	#6 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	Excellent.

04-25-2004, 10:17 PM	#8 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	LMAO I didnt get that at first

04-26-2004, 12:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
R3d Insane Location: Sask, Canada	LOL nice one

04-26-2004, 01:40 AM	#11 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	Lol perfect! What a slip. Great joke! __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine

04-26-2004, 03:39 AM	#12 (permalink)
oblar Über-Rookie Location: No longer, D.C	very nice joke didn't see that ending coming. __________________ "All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

04-26-2004, 04:04 AM	#13 (permalink)
Gortexfogg I and I Location: Stillwater, OK	Nice one!

04-26-2004, 08:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
bond007 Junkie Location: too far from Texas	vintage!

04-26-2004, 12:58 PM	#15 (permalink)
zaiaz Psycho Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.	Damn!....I hate when that happens but the best way to bust someone is to ask them when they are sleeping. I know because I do it all the time. __________________ Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...

04-28-2004, 01:57 AM	#17 (permalink)
small one Banned Location: York	Foot in it

05-02-2004, 12:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
deportes Psycho	good one

05-02-2004, 04:31 PM	#19 (permalink)
Sliver Master Upright	lol! I like it .

05-03-2004, 12:20 AM	#20 (permalink)
jahmdir Upright Location: In Transition	Nice one... __________________ Darkened amongst the light is the shadow day and night.

04-26-2004, 04:08 PM	#16 (permalink)
HeLLVieW96 Tilted Location: TucsoN , ARizonA	haha, good times, now only to have that played out in a scene of a movie...heh, fun fun

05-03-2004, 12:24 AM	#21 (permalink)
jahmdir Upright Location: In Transition	Always some good stuff Sorry... trying to post to other thread __________________ Darkened amongst the light is the shadow day and night.

05-03-2004, 04:23 PM	#22 (permalink)
Blackthorn Beware the Mad Irish Location: Wish I was on the N17...	Now that's HYSTERICAL!!! __________________ What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

05-03-2004, 04:39 PM	#23 (permalink)
Cosmo Girl Upright Location: Ontario, Canada	lol yeah that sounds accurate....what he should have said was...."no one could ever replace you, after you, i don't think that i could ever love another person. After all.... with you, i already have perfection, anything else would be a step back" come on boys...it's not that hard. While i don't recommend this obvious of a cliche...something along those lines, as long as you mean it...works like a charm

05-08-2004, 05:01 AM	#24 (permalink)
akechi Insane	hehehe ~ very funny! __________________ ~DJ PLAY THAT MUSIC LOUDER ONEGAI~

05-09-2004, 11:15 PM	#25 (permalink)
Mobo Upright	I actually tried something similar with my wife today just for kicks. the script suffered a bit but she got pissed. boy, she got pissed. i then showed her the post and she calmed down a bit. what is with you women???? cant you talk a joke???

05-10-2004, 04:26 AM	#26 (permalink)
TGB001 Upright Location: Australia	I like that one. Will try it on the wife. Never know might get lucky

05-10-2004, 09:20 AM	#27 (permalink)
Traff Upright Location: with Rubyee	open mouth, insert foot __________________ The rug it really tied the room together

05-26-2004, 04:45 AM	#28 (permalink)
smilodon Psycho Location: Cenozoic Era	hehehehehe

05-26-2004, 06:08 AM	#29 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	Great joke or is this a true story?

05-29-2004, 10:16 AM	#30 (permalink)
indiretto Tilted Location: USA, Oregon	LOL, thats a good one, very funny. __________________ Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick.

05-29-2004, 09:33 PM	#31 (permalink)
omid Crazy Location: Aliso Viejo, California	LOL nice __________________ Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads who didn't like what I said. The good times are killing me. Jaws clenching tight we talked all night, oh but what the hell did we say? The good times are killing me.

05-30-2004, 09:16 AM	#32 (permalink)
p0thead Insane Location: born in vietnam, lost in california	still funny after reading it so many times. thanks!

05-30-2004, 06:41 PM	#33 (permalink)
duckduck Psycho Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant	Frickin' sweet. Though, during the silence part you left out the "wife with frickin' laser beam eyes" part. __________________ Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!

05-30-2004, 07:29 PM	#34 (permalink)
Captain Canada Addict Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro	Haha. That's a pretty funny one. __________________ Conclusion: Flamethrowers and Furries go togerther like Pol Pot and the Cambodian populace.

05-31-2004, 08:06 AM	#35 (permalink)
mrphil2 Upright Location: Maryland	You gotta love a guy that plans ahead!! __________________ expect the unexpected

06-05-2004, 03:22 PM	#36 (permalink)
tekaweni It wasnt me Location: Scotland	<b>HUSBAND: "Shit."</b> yeah! __________________ If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

06-07-2004, 01:40 PM	#37 (permalink)
yoda77 Tilted Location: SF BAY AREA	Being a golfer I heard a similar version of that one but its a CLASSIC... __________________ DRINK,SMOKE AND LAUGH

06-10-2004, 04:21 PM	#38 (permalink)
tcm_eternal Upright	Yes! I love it great post

06-10-2004, 09:19 PM	#39 (permalink)
stankybcn1 Junkie	that's a great one, thanks __________________ I'll Throw You!