cchris

Because I have a bad opening line.......................

Such as.......................................................................................



She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

He was sharp, able to tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter".

As the scent of sweat from the horse's buttock wafted into his left nostril,

In these uncertain times, a crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

He wanted to hold her forever, knowing eventually he'd have to take a whizz.

Her breasts were like ripe strawberries, but not as bumpy.

The sun rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day.

You still have 873 pages to go.

He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The alien was eager to ravage her, unlike Ted, who wanted to take it slow.

He stood, wondering how bad Sleeping Beauty's morning breath would be.

The sea raged, the wind howled, and the sand was just plain irritated.

If he were to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.

As the screen froze, Capt Kirk vowed never to use a Microsoft system again.

She gratefully popped the glass orb back in place with a soft sucking sound.

It was a dark night on Pluto, a planet nobody had ever taken seriously.

This is a story of twin Siamese kittens; it is a tail of two kitties.

As she pulled Chloe's unmistakable prosthetic arm from under the bed, she knew,

Grandpa was belly down in the meadow , taking a close-up of a cow-pie,

I'd always wondered what it was like to wake up naked in a dumpster.

His thoughts, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

He was prepared for the alien probe,having just finished a case of Bud,

Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly,

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

Dilbert1234567

heh.

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

irseg

Reminds me of Rich Kyanka ("Lowtax") from somethingawful.com. He writes the funniest damn metaphors I've ever seen. I still crack up every time I think of the article where he mentioned slipping out of a speeding ticket "like a lubricated ball point pen out of Madonna's vagina".

FoolThemAll

I love these. Especially the first one. I saw them before but didn't save them, so thanks.

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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

Gortexfogg

Great stuff! I love this one:
"It was a dark night on Pluto, a planet nobody had ever taken seriously."

Speed_Gibson

reminds me of the Southpark movie

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

KellyC

Laughing my ass off!

Edit: I wanna see some one who actually will write a story containing some of those sentence..any one game enough to do that?

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Date the Banana

Those were great! I gotta print that out and bring it to my creative writing club this week.

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all work and no play make Date something something

losthellhound

I wanna start writing them now (or at least some of them)

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"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

MexicanOnABike

"This is a story of twin Siamese kittens; it is a tail of two kitties."
i laughed so hard! woke up the parents... heheheheheheh!

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- Movie Reviews - Ratings-

assilem

Can't stop laughing. Pain. Funny. Pain.

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

bond007

this was disturbingly hilarious!

saut

If he were to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.


excellent.

flagpole

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella

twotimesadingo

man.. great, great stuff here.

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I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle

Seer666

It took me 5 minutes to get past this one....

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

majik_6

Those were beautiful!

I think I'm going to try and slip a few of these into my day-to-day conversations

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it's all about self-indulgence