My book won't sell.
 

Because I have a bad opening line.......................

Such as.......................................................................................



She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

He was sharp, able to tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter".

As the scent of sweat from the horse's buttock wafted into his left nostril,

In these uncertain times, a crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

He wanted to hold her forever, knowing eventually he'd have to take a whizz.

Her breasts were like ripe strawberries, but not as bumpy.

The sun rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day.

You still have 873 pages to go.

He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The alien was eager to ravage her, unlike Ted, who wanted to take it slow.

He stood, wondering how bad Sleeping Beauty's morning breath would be.

The sea raged, the wind howled, and the sand was just plain irritated.

If he were to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.

As the screen froze, Capt Kirk vowed never to use a Microsoft system again.

She gratefully popped the glass orb back in place with a soft sucking sound.

It was a dark night on Pluto, a planet nobody had ever taken seriously.

This is a story of twin Siamese kittens; it is a tail of two kitties.

As she pulled Chloe's unmistakable prosthetic arm from under the bed, she knew,

Grandpa was belly down in the meadow , taking a close-up of a cow-pie,

I'd always wondered what it was like to wake up naked in a dumpster.

His thoughts, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

He was prepared for the alien probe,having just finished a case of Bud,

Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly,

heh.

Reminds me of Rich Kyanka ("Lowtax") from somethingawful.com. He writes the funniest damn metaphors I've ever seen. I still crack up every time I think of the article where he mentioned slipping out of a speeding ticket "like a lubricated ball point pen out of Madonna's vagina".

I love these. Especially the first one. I saw them before but didn't save them, so thanks.

Great stuff! I love this one:
"It was a dark night on Pluto, a planet nobody had ever taken seriously."

reminds me of the Southpark movie

Laughing my ass off! :lol:

Edit: I wanna see some one who actually will write a story containing some of those sentence..any one game enough to do that?

Those were great! I gotta print that out and bring it to my creative writing club this week.

I wanna start writing them now (or at least some of them)

"This is a story of twin Siamese kittens; it is a tail of two kitties."
i laughed so hard! woke up the parents... heheheheheheh!

Can't stop laughing. Pain. Funny. Pain.

this was disturbingly hilarious!

If he were to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.


excellent.

:lol:

man.. great, great stuff here.

Re: My book won't sell.
 

It took me 5 minutes to get past this one....

Those were beautiful!

I think I'm going to try and slip a few of these into my day-to-day conversations