scotty

A pilot gets on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and says to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight sevn-eight-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."

He forgets to turn his microphone off, and turns to his co-pilot, yawns, and says, "Why don't you take over for awhile? I'm going to take me a big, healthy shit, and then I'm gonna go fuck the brains out of that pretty blonde flight attendant working back in coach."

His announcement goes out over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant back in coach hears it and exclaims, "Oh my God!" and starts running toward the cockpit .

An old lady sitting in one of the aisle seats stops her and says, "Relax honey. He said he's gotta take a shit first."

- courtesy of Drew Carey's book "Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined" - not a bad read, if you like that sort of thing

Speed_Gibson

sounds like a funny book

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Black Adder

small one

Must read the book!

Gortexfogg

Nice one!

irseg

I've always heard it as the pilot saying "I could really go for a coffee and a blowjob right about now." Flight attendant runs toward the cockpit to shut him up, a passenger says "Wait miss, you forgot the coffee!"

tkkfan

heh

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Crack

didn't they tell this joke in "Good Will Hunting"?
In the bar or in the doctors office or somewhere...

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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flagpole

have to get a copy of that book

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joemc91

Ok, I'm full of these ones, being around pilots every day of the year.

On the ground in Frankfurt, Germany: *In German* "Luftansa 1234 would like to pick up taxi clearance"
ATC (Air Traffic Control): *In English from now on* "Luftansa 1234, please repeat request in English"
Luftansa: "Why should I speak in English, I'm a German, flying a German plane, for a German airline, in Germany!"
Unknown pilot with a British accent: "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Another German airplane joke:
United 789 is pulling off the runway in Berlin
ATC: "United 789, taxi to ramp X gate 21"
United: "We'll taxi to ramp X gate 21"
United airplane sits there for a minute or two
ATC: "United 789, what's taking so long?!"
United: "We're just getting our taxi chart out, it'll be just a second"
ATC: "Haven't you been to Berlin before?!"
United: "Ah yes, once in 1940, but I didn't stop"

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