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Old 05-06-2003, 01:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
big dick jokes

Drew Carey's Big Dick Jokes

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.

My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.

My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.

My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.

My dick has an elevator and a lobby.

My dick has better credit than I do.

My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.

My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

My dick is so big, it has casters.

My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.

My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.

My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.

My dick is so big, it lives next door.

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.

My dick is so big, it votes.

My dick is a better dresser than I am.

My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.

My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.

My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.

My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.

No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.

My dick takes longer lunches than I do.

My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.

My dick was once the ambassador to China.

My dick is so big, it's gone condo.

My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than himself.

My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.

It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.

My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and strangling myself.

My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.

My dick is so big, it has feet.

My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.

My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.

My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.

My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.

My dick is so big, it has investors.

My dick is so big, it seats six.

My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.

My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.

My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.

My dick is so big, it has an opening act.

My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.

My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.

My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.

My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.

My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.

My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.

If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.

My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.

My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.

My dick is so big, Trump owns it.

My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.

My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.

My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.

My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.

My dick is so big, you can ski down it.

My dick is so big, it has elbows.

My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.

My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.

My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.

My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.

My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.

My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.

My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.

My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.

My dick is so big, it has its own gravity

NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.

My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.

The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.

My dick is so big, it has a spine.

My dick is so big, it has a basement.

My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.

My dick is more muscular than I am.

My dick is so big it has cable.

My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.

My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.

My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.

My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.

My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.

My dick is so big, I can braid it.

My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.

My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.

My dick is so big, I can sit on it.

My dick is so big, it can chew gum.

My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.

My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.

My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.

My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.

My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.

My dick is so big, you're standing on it.

My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.

My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.

My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.

My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

My dick is so big, it's right behind you.

and the king of all big dick jokes:



My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.


some of my own:

My dick is so big, I fuck black holes (the cosmic ones, not the ones from NJ).

My dick is so big, I have to make an appointment to see it.

My dick is so big, it won't go out with Shania OR Faith Hill.

My dick is so big, they are naming the next space shuttle after it.



I could go on and on, but Ill let you all get in on the fun. whats your best big dick joke?
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Old 05-06-2003, 06:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
My dick is so big...oh wait that's not me.
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Old 05-06-2003, 10:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
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Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Although I can't relate, I can follow-up with a classic from Richard Pryor. My apologies to all the geeks who have the damned thing memorized.

Two men had the biggest dicks in the world, and they were looking for a place to have their contest to see who had the biggest.

So, as they were walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, they saw all that water, and it made them want to piss. Both men pulled out their big dicks and started to piss over the bridge.

The first one said, "Damn, this water's cold!"

The other one said, "Yeah, and it's deep, too!"
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Old 05-06-2003, 10:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Steel Town, Ontario
Being hung like a light switch I can only chuckle polietly but they're good for a laugh.
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Old 05-06-2003, 10:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Good one, War!

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Old 05-28-2003, 12:20 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Michigan
I dont know why but the popcorn sizes one cracks me up!!! hahaha
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Old 05-28-2003, 12:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: PacNW
Quote:
Originally posted by Midlandmadman
I dont know why but the popcorn sizes one cracks me up!!! hahaha
No kidding! It's classic, I can just see ordering:

Customer: "I'd like a large buttered popcorn."
Clerk: "Would you like the giant My Dick for only $5.00 more?"
Customer: " Um. Yeah, go ahead and give me the My Dick. Extra butter."

Funny stuff.
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Old 05-28-2003, 01:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
 
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Great post! Thanks

- Take my Dick, Please!
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Old 05-29-2003, 11:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
absolute relativist
 
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Location: D.C.
My Favorite:

You know that Alaskan Pipeline there always talkin about;
that ain't no pipeline!
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Old 05-29-2003, 12:59 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Nor Cal
Some good ones in there!
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Old 05-29-2003, 01:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: Davis, CA, USA
Best Dick Joke ever...

Mine usally are like My Dick is big it is..uhh..big
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Old 05-31-2003, 11:19 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I like my big dick joke.
My dick is so big, i got a girl riding it in all 50 states.
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