venture

Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's
accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian
equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had
this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six storey building. When I completed my work,
I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks
down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which
was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note
in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my
surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of
mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a
rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third
floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal,
impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and
the broken collar bone,as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience (pain).
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately
50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a
rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third
floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

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So many threads and so little time!
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Eviltree

lmao, that dope, how could he foget about gravity

mirevolver

somebody needs to take a highschool physics class again.

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yotta

heh, should have braced himself

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DEI37

Oops! Sounds like somebody forgot to wake up!

Hycdubg

OMFGROTFLMFAO!!!!

Great story, and I don't use internet language on stuff unless it truly is funny.

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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

-The Long Kiss Goodnight_

mturner333

Heard it before but it makes me laugh every time! Good one

warrrreagl

Man, this one's old. And still funny every time.

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Silverbrain

Thats fantastic!

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pilot123

FUCKING great, simply awesome

bender

Each and everytime I read that I just can't help but laugh.
It may be one of the best ever, thanks for the post it made my day.

YELLOW450

Thats probly one of the best ones i've ever heard!!

TerresqueÜ

I agree that he was dumb, but Darwin awards are given to those who "Help our species by eliminating themselves from the gene pool."

GOod one.

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Brewmaniac

Funny as hell!

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Minx

Good one....I'm still wiping the laughter tears from my eyes!

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riptide4070

poor guy...but I had to laugh anyway

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"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'