Glad-I-Ate-Her

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine."

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD !
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


Heads up guys,
Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

KellyC

"NOT MOVE OR BREATHE" this part really gets me.

Five star material.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

fatboss

Classic.

Too near to the truth tho'

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"never mind that shit........here comes Mongo!"

fizzledorf

good stuff, right on the mark!

Slacks_01

this is so true!

sillygirl

Wow. Someone knows women.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Glad-I-Ate-Her

Silly,
Remember women's perogative to change their mind at any time they chose and not let the men know of the change!!

I have seen these "words" used on me many times. I'm still trying to recover!!

Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

kinsaj

great

especially the soft sigh one

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boom

telekinetic

searched first, so I'm bumping rather than reposting....this list is way too true! :-)

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twisted no more

RaDiAn

Yes true , but very funny..........if I could only count how many times I've heard these.

Luki

True "nothing" ALWAYS means something.

And my typical "go ahead" is usually followed with the normally silent " I dare you" to complete it all I do have the raised eyebrow thing going on....

gotta love the truth

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Your part is silent you little toad - a line from the new phantom of the opera

Glad-I-Ate-Her

Thanks for the bump. This way other people that missed it can share in our misery!!

Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

losthellhound

great stuff, thanks..

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"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

gar1976

Any guys who'd married can relate to this. And find it immensely funny.

assilem

That is very funny. I'm going to print it out for my wife. So that she knows I on to her.

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

HeLLVieW96

haha, they should write a book on this stuff and make sure its only known by men, or the ladies will catch on..heh

cchris

I think all us blokes can relate to the loud sigh.

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

pigmann

funny because its true

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I once loved a girl, a child I'm told, I gave her my heart and she gave me a cold.

MaGlC_MaN

lol, so true, so true

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Bye.