|
01-28-2004, 08:50 PM
|
#1 (permalink) |
|
Upright
Location: Arizona
|
Great Sex Insults
Save your breath. You'll need it to inflate your date.
You couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of twenties. You couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons. Does your boyfriend wear an asbestos coated condom and bio-hazard suit when he fucks you? He's the kind of guy who masturbates to The Sound of Music. How is your wife... and my kids? She even has to fake her own orgasms when she masturbates. The last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper. He's trying to pick up a friendly, open-to-experimentation partner for a threesome with the family dog. I went down on her and found pieces of carrot, tomato and mushroom. I said "Should these be here?" She said, "Yeah, the last guy threw up." Sorry, that was a low blow. Speaking of low blows, how's your wife? Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. I still prefer the candlestick. If sex is a pain in the ass, he's in the wrong hole. All bullshit aside, I bet the last time someone other than your actually touched your nuts, Jesus Christ was still breast feeding. If it weren't for pick-pockets, he'd have no sex life at all. Impotence is nature's way of telling you that the bitch is ugly. She called a male hooker and he dialed 911. She knows how to please men in bed - she sleeps on the couch. Tell your mother to stop wearing different colored lipstick. I'm getting a damn rainbow around my dick. His best pickup line is "You've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a Down Syndrome patient." I'd love to fuck your brains out, but apparently someone already has. I'd tell you to go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on, but looking at that stupid grin on your face, I'd say you already have. No, I don't have a headache, you are just not turning me on! I'm sure you've heard this before, I FAKED IT! Is your "Masturbator's-elbow" making it difficult to type? Even his own hand turns that ugly fuck down. He was a very clumsy lover, so the girl had to put him in her place. His idea of a sex holiday is visiting a safari park. You're such an asshole. Kissing any part of you would be fairly termed 'rimming.' His last last girlfriend got a puncture. He gets loads of types of sex. In fact, every type except human. Even sheep won't have sex with you. He's like a rabbit on Viagra. He's so negative. In fact, the only positive thing about him is HIV. |
|
|
01-30-2004, 12:53 AM
|
#10 (permalink) |
|
Tilted
Location: USA, Oregon
|
Ha ha, good for a laugh
__________________
Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick. |
|
|
|
02-03-2004, 10:04 AM
|
#14 (permalink) |
|
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
|
these were pretty good...my fav...
You're such an asshole. Kissing any part of you would be fairly termed 'rimming.'
__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!! |
|
|
|
02-04-2004, 10:16 PM
|
#15 (permalink) |
|
Tilted
Location: North Carolina (college)
|
How to deal with rejection:
A: How do you like your eggs in the morning? B: Unfertilized. A: That's cool, I'll shoot it on your back. A: My place or yours? B: Both. Me to mine, you to yours. A: Honestly, after I'm done sticking it to you in the back of my car, I really don't care where I drop you off. A: If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. B: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing. A: That's fine as long as I could shove it up your ass while you're still warm. A: Would you like to dance? B: No. A: I think you misunderstood me. I said "Your ass looks fat in those pants."
__________________
Every day that I am alive is a great day. Life is filled with potential and love is everywhere. |
|
|
|
02-10-2004, 11:42 AM
|
#22 (permalink) | |
|
Insane
|
Quote:
__________________
The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! |
|
|
|
| Tags |
| great, insults, sex |
|
|
