Cat got your tongue??

[Deebs]

Calling in sick / The joy of cat ownership

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was
taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without
warning, & without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new
kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging
between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience.

I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their
work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.........and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about. Which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"..........

If they only knew!

[kifferfong]

Ouuuuch!!! O.O

[fizzledorf]

that would just absolutely suck

[monody]

hehe
oh that must hurt!

[sillygirl]

Okay, I flinched and about curled into a ball thinking of how bad that must have hurt..... 0_o

[Deebs]

All I can say is thank god I am only forwarding this one on, and not telling it from first hand experience!! LOL

[alpha phi]

Time to get the kitty declawed?

[Unga]

hahaha ouch!

[bigbad]

My old cat would climb up your pant leg when it wanted attention. Frequently it would slip somewhere on the way up and flail about trying to regain it's grip, and sometimes it would catch on to the crotch and hang on for dear life. Now THAT is pain

[lrsurfer]

Excellent and thanks!
I needed that laugh!

[indiretto]

I'm sorry for you, but that is one of the funniest things I've read in awhile. I laughed so hard I just about broke something.

[Silverbrain]

oh so funny, lol. I laughed so hard. Though i think this is more funny for the ladies. ;-))

[macmanmike6100]

wow, i can't imagine that kind of pain...but I suppose you should consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to sustain it for long, given that you were knocked out cold

[clifclav]

upon regaining consciousness I would have tested the disposal with the cat.

thats why I always keep a spare pair of bixers in the bathroom.