|
01-27-2004, 12:26 PM
|
#1 (permalink) |
|
Addict
Location: Kingston,Ontario
|
Things people wish they hadn't said
1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around, walked back out, and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. 2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." 3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. 4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. 5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" 6) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had many problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks, and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! 7) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor that will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! |
|
|
01-28-2004, 11:28 AM
|
#8 (permalink) | |
|
Addict
Location: Nottingham, England
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2004, 12:28 PM
|
#9 (permalink) |
|
We can't stop here! This is bat country!
Location: SL,UT
|
hahaha
__________________
Brian: “Ok, all we’ve gotta do is find the American Embassy, and they’ll help us get home” Stewie: “Home? I have no intention of returning to that disgusting hovel with that intolerable woman, that fat slob, and that insufferable dog… Oh, you’re right here aren’t you? Oh well, I stand by it." |
|
|
|
01-29-2004, 07:56 AM
|
#18 (permalink) |
|
Free Mars!
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
|
Great stuff
__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war |
|
|
|
01-30-2004, 01:01 AM
|
#20 (permalink) |
|
Tilted
Location: USA, Oregon
|
Now thats good stuff... very funny.
__________________
Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick. |
|
|
|
02-21-2004, 03:38 AM
|
#37 (permalink) |
|
Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind
Location: Oreegawn
|
hahaha...4 was just awful, i loved it. and 7 was really freakin' funny.
__________________
Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane. |
|
|
|
02-23-2004, 03:03 PM
|
#39 (permalink) |
|
Junkie
Location: France
|
L-O-friggin'-L!
these tales are hilarious, I'm really happy nothing simlar happened to me..and it seems impossible for all that stuff to happen to one person, lol.
__________________
Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread |
|
|
| Tags |
| people, things |
|
|
