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From www.noapologiespress.com

Tuesday, Jan. 20, 6:45 AM PST

Lesbians Beat Out Bacon in "Things to Add to Something to Make It Better" Poll


by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

LINCOLN, Neb. -- For the first time in 49 years, bacon came up short in the annual "Things to Add to Something to Make it Better" poll, losing the top slot to lesbians.

"Oh my god, oh my god," cried Katherine Axe, executive director of National Lesbian Foundation, as she accepted the honor "for all lesbians and our many fans."

The nationwide poll, conducted by the Gallup Organization, asked 25,000 participants, "What thing would you add to make something better?"

Lesbians captured 59 percent of the vote, with bacon grabbing only 34 percent. Last year's polling had bacon at 51 percent versus lesbian's 49.

Jim Barian, spokesman of the American Bacon Society, took his constituents' defeat in stride.

"Well, I thought we had an outside chance of making it 49 in a row, what with all this Atkins diet stuff becoming popular and all," Barian said.

"But let's give it up for lesbians -- they've been making inroads in recent years, and to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind adding a lesbian to my love life."

Bacon dominated the poll for decades as it found new ways to reinvent itself, carrying out an unprecedented transformation from basic breakfast side dish to a featured ingredient in sandwiches, hamburgers and steaks.

But despite a last-minute campaign to push bacon-apple pie as the next "big thing," media pundits had been predicting a thorough trouncing by lesbians this year.

"Bacon didn't stand a chance," said media guru Steven Horley. "Ellen's new show alone gave lesbians a forum from which they could peddle their message. Bacon's got to get out of the kitchen if it ever hopes to compete again."

Mayonnaise came in a distant third, capturing only seven percent of the vote.

-- Doom Bunny contributed to this report.

Crack

lesbians are the only thing I can think of that you can add to ANYTHING to make it better!
~Crack

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valjean

I definately agree!!!

Adding them to this thread really does make it better.



-valjean

FoolThemAll

Lesbians don't make food better. Ask Charlton Heston, I'm sure he ingested one or two during the filming of that one movie.

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TerresqueÜ

The idea, FoolThemAll, is that lesbians will add to your experience of eating, not actually putting them on your sandwich and chomping into one.

But i have an arguement, what if a couple of those really butch lesbians?

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Tophat665

I guess next on the homosexual agenda is go get a bacon cheeseburger.

Every funny! Thanks.

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bigbad

I dunno, I've seen some VERY scary lesbians in my travels, so while it depends on the specific lesbian you are adding, almost any specific piece of bacon will do in a particular situation

lrsurfer

hahahahaahahha sick but funnny lol still sick but still funny lol

clifclav

I'm thinking of that SNL skit where the frat boys get a wish and they wish for a couple of lesbians and it turns out to be two rather "butch" women.

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