Peter Kays Universal Truths
 

Laughed so much doing the first post had to include this one

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.


4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.
6) Everyone reading this who didn't grow up in the 80's will have just
typed 55378008 into a calculator, some might have turned it upside down.


7) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
8) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
9) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.>
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad

:lol:

Hilarious. I liked this one more than the other one..

That's happened to me before.. I HATE that hehe.

I do that all the time.

I can't say I have, but I will now.

pretty good, and fairly universal, though the smell of a wet cat just plain stinks...

Hilarious stuff! So many of those are true...

Very good and very true.

Peter Kay is rapidly becoming a comedy legend.

I don't understand this one:

folk lore has it that swan can break your arm with the strength in their wings.

WOuld not like to try and prove - disprove that one.:D

Awsome!

ha ha

"The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity."

that's awesome.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.



Oh god yes.

LMFAO.... its all funny... most of it has happened to me. Which is very scary.

hahaha lovely list :D

good stuff, thanks

Called my mom my teachers name before..

...awesome...

They really, really do. :lol: Great list.

I believe Peter Kay is guesting in Coronation Street (a soap opera) sometime this very week.

'Garlic bread? Garlic......bread?'

What makes that so funny is that a lot of that stuff has happened to me, and I can relate with it.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

guilty!

great list =)

Oh man, that list is hilarious, I can identify with most of them.

I race against the flush occasionally but when I visit a new toilet, I always have to do it.

That is great!

Sweet!

still love it so will rate it

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

True.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

i did this in forth grade

Laughed till tears ran down my legs

that was funny, most of those do seem true. thanks for posting

Re: Peter Kays Universal Truths
 

I use a mechanical pencil. Does that make me effeminate:D .

no shit....and along with the panic comes the thought "how am i going to explain this one?" or "i hope to god that we wont have to call the paramedics for this."

i think the panic of having something stuck in your throat is probably one of the worst panic inducing moments possible;p