~springrain

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:

DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

reverendjay

This post is probably closer to the truth than we'll ever know...

__________________
I'm married now, so the only thing in my house that pulls out now is the couch.

fizzledorf

this was absolutely hilarious! Excellent....

Keg-o-Grog

hahaw.. CATS ARE PLOTTING TO TAKE OVER THE WOOOOOOOOOORLD

weeeeee!!! good one

__________________
I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

MexicanOnABike

goood stuff... i liked that alot... and i belive it could be true.

__________________

- Movie Reviews - Ratings-

KellyC

reminds me of the movie Cats & Dogs, doesn't it sound like a guy's thoughts/girls thoughts?

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

KellyC

oh yeah...very funny BTW...muahahahaa

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Futera

hahahaha, thats true.

Very nice, seems so... true i guess

boxcarracer277

Shpoop

haha this was funny

streak_56

Closer than we may think

White Cluster

hahahaa.....thats hilarious..

good one

floydthebarber

thanks for the laugh...

__________________
wish you were here

Mavric98

hahahahaha lmfao lol hehehehehehe

__________________
"Hope is for people that don't stand a chance."

blaze

Hahaha! That was awesome. I gotta share this with my friends.

Ripsaw

heehee.

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"We are supposed to be masters of space, but we cant even line up our shoes?"

One life, one chance, one opportunity.

Homey_V

Hehehe, I can see my cat saying all that...
And my dog saying the that as well...

Good stuff

uffjohn

hehe my cat doesn't think like that.. or does she?? uh oh..

Starfish

I like that one!...

__________________
Evil Milkman: "So I wonder what it would taste like now?"

Me: "Like a big floppy penis that hasn't been washed in a couple days."

lrsurfer

Excellent and thanks!
I needed that laugh!

indiretto

That was great... laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes.

__________________
Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick.