Guys - Can You Pass the Choose-A-Urinal Challenge?

[rockzilla]

This is a great Dave Barry bit. I'm sorry about the monospace font, but it was the only way I could get the ascii diagrams to line up. Hope it gets a laugh

Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)...
Women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the restroom
that MUST be followed..........

The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."

(Sample)
|   |   | x |   |   | x | indicates men are at stalls 3
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | and 6.
-------------------------


You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which
stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck!


--------------------
Easy Section
--------------------

1) 
|   | x |   | x |   |   | (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: __ 


1 (easy): #6 - It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
instinctively knows this.


2) 
| x |   |   |   |   |   | (1 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: __ 


2 (easy): #6 - Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of
being next to someone who arrives later.

-------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
-------------------------

3) 
|   |   |   |   |   |   | (empty)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
--------------------------

Your choice: __ 


3 (kind of tricky): #'s 1 or 6 - You are tacitly saying, "I don't want
anyone next to me."


4) 
|   | x |   | x |   | x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: ___ 


4 (kind of tricky): #1 You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy,
so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go
between TWO guys if you can help it.


---------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, But Important To Know Section
---------------------------------------------

5) 
|   | x |   |   | x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: __ 



5 (HARD!): #4 - Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couple" you with the
guy in stall 2. This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way
that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we
men would understand!


-----------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
-----------------------------


6) 
| x | x |   |   | x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------

Your choice: ___ 


6 (DAMN HARD!): NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to
comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up"
a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD...for God's sake,
man, use a doored stall.


Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it
terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.

-- Absolutely NO touching of anyone else. Even the slightest
touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.

-- NO Singing. Period.

-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I
see you there. I will not look again."

[Marburg]

Heh, that was a good laugh. I probably would've made those choices too. Gotta love homophobia!

And all boys are, of course, born with this knowledge.

[Jam]

I agree with all of them except number 5... that would also be stand by the mirror in my books...

especially if its one of the ones without the dividers... you need distance ... what if the guy next to you has some splashback or over spray... this isnt a homophobic thing... its a uriniphobic thing

[phukraut]

this ought to be in tilted living. i know some people that could seriously use this information!!

[Gortexfogg]

Hilarious stuff!

[telekinetic2]

Saw this information as a flash animated quiz at a friends house years ago before I had my very own access to the Intraweb. Still good. And I agree about #5...definitly a 'doored stall' situation.

[giblfiz]

A few problems with #5, well really only one key one. By going to 4 instead of 1 you are trapping the poor shlub in 5 between two guys. You wouldn't want that to happen to you, would you? Not to mention that your are opting yourself into one of the positions which is clearly unacceptable in exsample #6

[Evil Milkman]

Haha! Yeah, Dave Barry is great.

He was the only writer to 'click' with my sense of humor back a long time ago. I remember reading through one of his books, and I laughed so hard I cried.

[archer2371]

The funniest stuff is the truest stuff.

[boxcarracer277]

Very funny. . .but doesn't number 4 "couple" you with the guy in stall 2?

[chewybaca96]

How do they get the situations they have listed? If all guys know this then the situations above would not ever exist because guys would never use the stall next to one that is occupied. So really only three urinals could be used out of the 6 at any given time, given that all men have this knowledge.

[Slacks_01]

maybe the guys are looking for these type of situations to happen

[drag0nmanes]

Like a previous poster stated I first saw this too as a flash animated quiz. Instinctually I agree with it mostly, but when I gotta go and there's no acceptable answer, I just pick one and go. No need to waste too much time over silly things as who I'm peeing next too when there's more important things going on.

[fizzledorf]

very good!

what about the "walk behind" factor? You don't want too many people to have to walk behind you to the next stall either...

[MexicanOnABike]

hehehe.... totaly agreee with everything. is there a rule about how long to stay in front of the mirror?

[Spire]

nice very true stuff there

[NickKell]

I always use the stall.

[bubbagumpshrimp]

The flash version: http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal slightly different questions though

[Reese]

diagram 5 is also a problem for me. If #6 was there first then guy in #5 went beside him which is totally wrong. I don't want to be next to him. Or maybe they're buddies and being beside them would make them both feel threatened. Number 1 is by far the better choice because of the wall.

[krwlz]

I had a friend that would carry on a complete conversation at the urinal, whenever he had the chance. He just liked to fuck with peoples heads mostly. Something wrong about talking to another guy with your dick in your hand.

Hilarious though, because its so true.

[thedrake]

i pass

[CS733t]

there is a flash version of this game somewhere on the net...i think it's on ebaumsworld

[manias]

very good!
it's even more funny cause it's so true!

[telekinetic2]

Originally posted by CS733t
there is a flash version of this game somewhere on the net...i think it's on ebaumsworld

Welcome to 4, 8, and 15 posts ago.

[dy156]

why is there no mention of the other law that every man knows and takes into account as a factor in the above situations? If one of those guys in a stall is a big black man, then you don't want to go next to him because you might risk feeling really inadequate if you happen to catch a glimpse.

Edit: I just played the flash version, and it mentions not being next to a big guy to avoid having your manliness questioned, I guess that's pretty much the same thing.

[Bobdoler]

so funny and so true

[asquint]

this only addresses the hanging wall urinal, what then are the rules for one of those trough things like at the race track, or are all bets off in something like that................