11-25-2003, 07:17 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: The Kitchen
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Guys - Can You Pass the Choose-A-Urinal Challenge?
This is a great Dave Barry bit. I'm sorry about the monospace font, but it was the only way I could get the ascii diagrams to line up. Hope it gets a laugh
Code:
Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... Women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the restroom that MUST be followed.......... The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use." (Sample) | | | x | | | x | indicates men are at stalls 3 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | and 6. ------------------------- You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck! -------------------- Easy Section -------------------- 1) | | x | | x | | | (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: __ 1 (easy): #6 - It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this. 2) | x | | | | | | (1 occupied.) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: __ 2 (easy): #6 - Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later. ------------------------- Kind of Tricky Section ------------------------- 3) | | | | | | | (empty) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | -------------------------- Your choice: __ 3 (kind of tricky): #'s 1 or 6 - You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me." 4) | | x | | x | | x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: ___ 4 (kind of tricky): #1 You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. --------------------------------------------- Subtle, Tricky, But Important To Know Section --------------------------------------------- 5) | | x | | | x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: __ 5 (HARD!): #4 - Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couple" you with the guy in stall 2. This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we men would understand! ----------------------------- VERY Tricky Indeed Section ----------------------------- 6) | x | x | | | x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ------------------------- Your choice: ___ 6 (DAMN HARD!): NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD...for God's sake, man, use a doored stall. Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals: -- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse. -- Absolutely NO touching of anyone else. Even the slightest touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense. -- NO Singing. Period. -- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again." |
11-25-2003, 10:17 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Junkie
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I agree with all of them except number 5... that would also be stand by the mirror in my books...
especially if its one of the ones without the dividers... you need distance ... what if the guy next to you has some splashback or over spray... this isnt a homophobic thing... its a uriniphobic thing |
11-28-2003, 10:48 AM | #7 (permalink) |
is a shoggoth
Location: LA
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A few problems with #5, well really only one key one. By going to 4 instead of 1 you are trapping the poor shlub in 5 between two guys. You wouldn't want that to happen to you, would you? Not to mention that your are opting yourself into one of the positions which is clearly unacceptable in exsample #6
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Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the old ones with your bare hands -A Shoggoth on the Roof |
11-28-2003, 07:16 PM | #9 (permalink) |
Sarge of Blood Gulch Red Outpost Number One
Location: On the front lines against our very enemy
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The funniest stuff is the truest stuff.
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"This ain't no Ice Cream Social!" "Hey Grif, Chupathingy...how bout that? I like it...got a ring to it." "I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif." |
12-01-2003, 12:16 PM | #11 (permalink) |
We can't stop here! This is bat country!
Location: SL,UT
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How do they get the situations they have listed? If all guys know this then the situations above would not ever exist because guys would never use the stall next to one that is occupied. So really only three urinals could be used out of the 6 at any given time, given that all men have this knowledge.
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Brian: “Ok, all we’ve gotta do is find the American Embassy, and they’ll help us get home” Stewie: “Home? I have no intention of returning to that disgusting hovel with that intolerable woman, that fat slob, and that insufferable dog… Oh, you’re right here aren’t you? Oh well, I stand by it." |
12-01-2003, 03:41 PM | #13 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Oside
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Like a previous poster stated I first saw this too as a flash animated quiz. Instinctually I agree with it mostly, but when I gotta go and there's no acceptable answer, I just pick one and go. No need to waste too much time over silly things as who I'm peeing next too when there's more important things going on.
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12-06-2003, 09:26 PM | #18 (permalink) |
Crazy
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The flash version: http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal slightly different questions though
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12-08-2003, 05:17 AM | #19 (permalink) |
Delicious
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diagram 5 is also a problem for me. If #6 was there first then guy in #5 went beside him which is totally wrong. I don't want to be next to him. Or maybe they're buddies and being beside them would make them both feel threatened. Number 1 is by far the better choice because of the wall.
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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry |
12-08-2003, 07:53 AM | #20 (permalink) |
Fledgling Dead Head
Location: Clarkson U.
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I had a friend that would carry on a complete conversation at the urinal, whenever he had the chance. He just liked to fuck with peoples heads mostly. Something wrong about talking to another guy with your dick in your hand.
Hilarious though, because its so true. |
12-11-2003, 09:12 AM | #25 (permalink) |
cookie
Location: in the backwoods
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why is there no mention of the other law that every man knows and takes into account as a factor in the above situations? If one of those guys in a stall is a big black man, then you don't want to go next to him because you might risk feeling really inadequate if you happen to catch a glimpse.
Edit: I just played the flash version, and it mentions not being next to a big guy to avoid having your manliness questioned, I guess that's pretty much the same thing. Last edited by dy156; 12-11-2003 at 09:16 AM.. |
Tags |
challenge, chooseaurinal, guys, pass |
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