MEN'S 43 RULES FOR WOMEN - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

rmarshall · 12-03-2003, 02:35 PM

It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.

If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.

Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.

Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.

Shopping is not fascinating.

When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.

Unless the answer is yes.

In which case, can he videotape it?

If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.

The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.

Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e.: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) shouldbe met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

He heard you the first time.

You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.

If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.

Of COURSE he wants another beer.

The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.

Dogs good. Cats bad.

Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls".

"Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.

He was NOT looking at that other girl. Well, okay... maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you've never looked at another guy...

He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

Your (select appropriate item

butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.

If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.

It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.

Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

Two words: bl** j*b. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.

Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.

His (fill in appropriate selections

bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.

Don't hog the covers.

Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that...

He does not just want to be friends.

A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"

microdot · 12-03-2003, 02:42 PM

"Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that..."

Any man who would prefer to watch guys in tights throwing/kicking/catching a ball and slamming the shit out of each other over having sex...really needs to rethink his priorities.

Oh yeah, other than that, the list is pretty damn funny

Lokus · 12-03-2003, 03:16 PM

I don't know, I'd probably ask for the exact meaning of "kinky circus sex" before I go ahead with it.

macmanmike6100 · 12-03-2003, 04:55 PM

great list; bset one: When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.

Unless the answer is yes.

In which case, can he videotape it?

2wolves · 12-04-2003, 08:31 AM

Dogs good. Cats over twenty-five pounds better!

2Wolves

Conclamo Ludus · 12-04-2003, 10:18 AM

Great list.

tritium · 12-04-2003, 10:32 AM

25lbs of cat would be awesome. I want to see a cat that fat.

Silverbrain · 12-04-2003, 09:58 PM

Great list indeed, thanks

TM875 · 12-06-2003, 11:20 AM

Well, my cat is about 20lbs. It's a big kitty. He matches my personality.

Lays around the house all day and doesn't really give a damn if anybody cares, or comes near at all. Enjoys dinner time, but only if it doesn't interrupt his sleeping patterns.

12-03-2003, 02:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
rmarshall Addict Location: Kingston,Ontario	MEN'S 43 RULES FOR WOMEN It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt. Shopping is not fascinating. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. In which case, can he videotape it? If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e.: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) shouldbe met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. He heard you the first time. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. Of COURSE he wants another beer. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot. Dogs good. Cats bad. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls". "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions. He was NOT looking at that other girl. Well, okay... maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you've never looked at another guy... He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones. Your (select appropriate item butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower. Two words: bl** j*b. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all. His (fill in appropriate selections bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute. Don't hog the covers. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that... He does not just want to be friends. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"

12-03-2003, 03:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lokus I can't think of a good title Location: East Bay Area, CA	I don't know, I'd probably ask for the exact meaning of "kinky circus sex" before I go ahead with it. __________________ The black wind howls...

12-04-2003, 08:31 AM	#5 (permalink)
2wolves Psycho Location: Just outside the D.C. belt	Dogs good. Cats over twenty-five pounds better! 2Wolves __________________ Nation of the Cat. Forgive maybe, forget .... not quite yet.

12-04-2003, 10:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	Great list. __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

12-04-2003, 10:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	25lbs of cat would be awesome. I want to see a cat that fat. __________________ Blah.

12-03-2003, 02:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
microdot Crazy	"Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the half-time show to act upon that..." Any man who would prefer to watch guys in tights throwing/kicking/catching a ball and slamming the shit out of each other over having sex...really needs to rethink his priorities. Oh yeah, other than that, the list is pretty damn funny

12-03-2003, 04:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	great list; bset one: When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. In which case, can he videotape it?

12-04-2003, 09:58 PM	#8 (permalink)
Silverbrain Addict Location: Nor Cal	Great list indeed, thanks __________________ Over Thinking, Over Analyzing Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

12-06-2003, 11:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	Well, my cat is about 20lbs. It's a big kitty. He matches my personality. Lays around the house all day and doesn't really give a damn if anybody cares, or comes near at all. Enjoys dinner time, but only if it doesn't interrupt his sleeping patterns. __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."