misterfell

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, kazam! -- she became the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, kazam! -- she became the richest woman in the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever, don't mess with them.


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists... two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, you don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.

uffjohn

hahaha love those

forgotten_dream

Oh man, that's so awful!

__________________
"A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."

Jaiddin

Good ones.

RaZ

Those are great.

ratbastid

I'm not telling my wife those jokes.

warrrreagl

Those are pretty good.

__________________
Living is easy with eyes closed.

Sparky

I hope my wife doesn't see that last one.

__________________
"I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."

Eviltree

aren't they all evil?

MikeyChalupa

Erm, the last one has been changed. In the original version of the joke, there is actually, of course, a third guy who... eh, never mind.

-Mikey

Scorpio

That's funny as hell!

crackpot

Quite funny, and a kernel of truth in there somewhere, I'm sure.

Mr.Deflok

So true.