Famous People Say the Darndest Things
 

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
Patricia Arquette

"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
George Burns

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
Carmen Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Dan Rather (News anchorman)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
Rev. Jesse Jackson

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
Hugh Grant

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart., aging cover band singer

Like the Rod Stewart one!

Re: Famous People Say the Darndest Things
 

Yeah barbara. Hey, props on this Post. Fucking hilarious

Hehe those celebs are some funny ones, aint they ;)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

can't you just imagine arnie saying this? hehe, nice thread =)

Loved that

Very nice. Though finding something funny Robin Williams said is sort of like shooting fish in a barrel...

Those crazy celebs. What will they think of next?

Good stuff, especially the Jerry Garcia.

Very good, though I doubt the veracity of some of them

Yeah, I loved those, great "quotes", although I agree with <b>King Tut</b>. I severely doubt that Barbara Bush would have said that, for example. But <i>someone</i> said it, and that's good enough for me.

yea some of those might not have been said by the celebs, but it they WERE, then it would be funny
still funny nonetheless

Some good, others really great, nice post.

Great quotes. Very funny.

Lots of good ones here, thanks

havent seen/heard any of these before. great post!

hahaha rod stewart's quote was my favorite.

Groovy! But what are Thyroids?

That Jack Nicholson quote strikes home for some of my friends. All too funny. Great post.

Excellent!!

ehehehe!!! these are great!

Some great quotes there, but I seen some of them before attributed to a different person.

lol, that barbra bush one went over well with teh co-workers

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Rod Stewart.

Great One.

My favorite, even though it is not humorous, is still:
"We all can't be Heroes. Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." - Will Rogers