Eviltree

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a peice. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a
gifthorse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then
they punched my genitals.

I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off the couch at high
speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle
lost it's novelty halfway into it's third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys laying all over
my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had two hundred throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down my toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked
for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell
real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't
want to call the plumber. I was embarassed.

I tried to slow the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know that my bed was flammable. I
had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys
in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The
odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use
the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbageman said that the city was
not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at my solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
their genitals.

I like monkeys.

arael

don't know if i'm laughing at you or with you... i think at you.. sorry :P

crackpot

Man, that was strange. In a good way, I reckon. But very strange. Did you make that up yourself?

Noob

LOL
They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then
they punched my genitals.

I stopped laughing.

ROFLMAO THAT WAS THE BEST PART

Drider_it

dude i missed getting this joke off the old forum thanks for the repost

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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

Darklight Adept

I laughed during this whole joke, I stopped breathing during this part

GreenCloud

damn cheap monkeys

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"Boy, I like that echo... goes right through my head... I had that happen once, but it was chemically induced...." - Steve Earle

warrrreagl

Did you see or touch any monkees while you were in the Amazon?

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

xavier

Very cute, and humurous, I especially liked the part when the monkey got stuck in the toilet!!! That's Great

Zesty

lol good one

mykockle

it left me puzzled yet entertained.... i give it a thumbs up....

forgotten_dream

*ROFL* Yay!! I love that joke! Every time I read it, it just makes me giggle.

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"A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."

Scorpio

Nice. I think I would have used them as yard figures.

Nhanced1

I laughed all the way through this joke and I didnt stop until I finished reading. and Im also in the middle of class. So here I am, a histerical mess, with my buddy sitting next to me, also laughing just as hard as i was in the middle of a silent classroom. er, I guess it wasnt silent, because we were laughing so loud...

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"Sell Crazy Somewhere Else, We're All Stocked Up Here," Jack Nicholson - As Good As It Gets

MexicanOnABike

hehehe...
i love monkeys

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creepyskip

HEHEHE. I like monkeys too

Mavric98

I like monkeys

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"Hope is for people that don't stand a chance."

stankybcn1

I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
their genitals.


That's the best

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I'll Throw You!

DEI37

Definitely good for a nice laugh!