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Old 10-29-2003, 04:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cchris's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney
The eternal struggle.

Dear Diary,

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much.
And I have never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me". I said, "WHAT????" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman".

I am thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed dept store... I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three.
She wanted matching shoes.I said "Lets get a pair for each outfit".
We went to the jewellery dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.I think I
threw her for a loop when I said it was ok.She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You should have seen her face when she said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now."

You should have seen her face...it went completely blank.I then said,"Really honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while" And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man"

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.
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Old 10-29-2003, 07:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
hahah.. good chuckle.
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Old 10-29-2003, 08:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Baltimore
Chris that was awesome. Great post.
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Old 10-29-2003, 10:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
absolutely fantastic...feel sorry for you though buddy.
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Old 10-29-2003, 12:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
That's defintely one of the funniest things i've ever read!
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Old 10-30-2003, 10:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
LOL, thats sooo good.

Very clever.

kekekee
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Old 10-31-2003, 12:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Springfield, USA
LMAO! For some reason I didn't see that coming whatsoever. and when it came it was damn good! nice bro!
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Old 10-31-2003, 12:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
2008 is a looooong time from now :P
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Old 10-31-2003, 01:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
bennyb, but you don't know when it was written, do you?
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Old 11-01-2003, 08:29 AM   #10 (permalink)
It wasnt me
 
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Location: Scotland
Man he sure wont be getting any for a long loooong time!
Good joke!
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Old 11-01-2003, 09:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
I and I
 
Location: Stillwater, OK
Very, very clever!
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Old 11-01-2003, 10:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
Upright
 
HAHAHA pure gold@!
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Old 11-02-2003, 04:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
Sometimes it's the principle of the thing.

-Mikey
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Old 11-02-2003, 05:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: California
no that was genius. braVO! :P
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Old 11-03-2003, 03:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: chocolate city
Getting sex again? I think if you breathe again that's a bonus
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Old 11-04-2003, 06:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
The one that got away
 
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Location: Over the hill and far away
Hah! Great one.
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Old 11-06-2003, 06:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: Foregin student in Texas atm.
man you hit right on the nail.. SOOO SOOsoooo good hahaha, brilliant.
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Old 11-06-2003, 12:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
I am not permanent.
 
glytch's Avatar
 
Location: Tennessee
What can I say that everyone else hasn't? Great joke!
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Old 11-06-2003, 03:43 PM   #19 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Davidson, NC/ Manassas, VA
Disco Stu....I concur...I concur
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Old 11-06-2003, 03:44 PM   #20 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: seal beach
Yup! good one
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Old 11-06-2003, 06:44 PM   #21 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Davidson College, NC
*chuckle*
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Old 11-08-2003, 05:42 PM   #22 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: OMFG BRB
yeah dude, it's gonna be quite a while for ya...
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Old 11-10-2003, 03:47 PM   #23 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
hah thats hillarious, that fella deserves a prize
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Old 11-10-2003, 06:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
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Location: Mosptopia
*hawkeye claps loudly
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Old 11-10-2003, 06:38 PM   #25 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Sydney - Australia
Fantastic.
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Old 11-10-2003, 07:40 PM   #26 (permalink)
paj
Tilted
 
that was amazing
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Old 11-11-2003, 08:35 AM   #27 (permalink)
absolute relativist
 
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Location: D.C.
very funny. thanks for the chuckle
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Old 11-12-2003, 10:03 AM   #28 (permalink)
Sexy eh?
 
Location: Sweden
This one is pure gold! Great post!
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Old 11-13-2003, 08:45 AM   #29 (permalink)
TIO
Addict
 
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Location: The Land Down Under
I wish my balls were that big...
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Old 11-13-2003, 12:18 PM   #30 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: In Games.
But was it worth it???

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