Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-28-2003, 06:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Columbia Falls, MT
Masturbating before sex

An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his new lover, so he called his doctor for advice. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realised his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to relieve himself sexually. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
__________________
Hey guys -- I finally got a semen sample after pumping on my wiener for 2 whole days
Junchbailey is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 08:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
warrrreagl's Avatar
 
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Funny.
__________________
Living is easy with eyes closed.
warrrreagl is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 10:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: central calif.
very good
ratbastard is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 10:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Sweden
3/5
__________________
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. - Psalms 137:9
Nad Adam is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 10:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
I run E.
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally posted by Nad Adam
3/5
Generous.
Okay, it was a little funny.
__________________
I hold with those that favor fire.
eyeronic is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
Tilted
 
unexpected punchline
pilot123 is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Next time try the closet.
__________________
Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...
zaiaz is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
now thats funny
DisFunctional is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 11:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
Addict
 
Silverbrain's Avatar
 
Location: Nor Cal
I remember seeing someone do a flash movie of this joke. Still funny to read it
__________________
Over Thinking, Over Analyzing
Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK
Silverbrain is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 12:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
Pup no More
 
Loup's Avatar
 
Location: Voted the Best
Good chuckler
__________________
"If you cannot lift the load off another's back, do not walk away. Try to lighten it."
~ Frank Tyger
Loup is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 12:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Thurougly enjoyed. Thanks
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition
TerresqueÜ is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 09:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
I thought it was pretty funny; a 3.5 on 5 in my book.
crackpot is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 10:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Houston, Tx
heh, I'd like to see the flash movie of this, lol
Darklight Adept is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 01:04 AM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Good variation on a well-used theme
small one is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 04:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
RaZ
Crazy
 
Heh, that was a good one.
RaZ is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 06:01 AM   #16 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Heh. Not "Ha-ha", but "heh".
ratbastid is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 04:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
We're having potato pancakes!
 
hotzot's Avatar
 
Location: stalag 13
I got a chuckle
__________________
The Bully Boys are here!
hotzot is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 05:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
unknownmf's Avatar
 
Location: ATL
haha that was pretty funny!!
unknownmf is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 06:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
haha :d
ARRH is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 06:14 PM   #20 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Location: Earth
Ha Ha
Scorpio is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 06:24 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: NorCal
Not bad. I gave a chuckle.
rcarb is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 06:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
Banned
 
Heh, worth a laugh
DarkerCourse is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 07:26 PM   #23 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
old people... hehehe
Eviltree is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 07:56 PM   #24 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Room Nineteen
I laughed out loud. I was expecting this to be a viagra joke or something like that. As someone said earlier, it was unexpected.
little limey is offline  
Old 04-29-2003, 09:11 PM   #25 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Laurel, MD, USA
heh heard this before, i think he could have found a better place
DoomzDayz is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 03:53 AM   #26 (permalink)
Upright
 
excellent stuff
bahula04 is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 05:12 AM   #27 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Ireland
heh heh good one
__________________
My wife and I were happy for the first 20 years,Then we got married
DKid is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 08:25 AM   #28 (permalink)
CSU RAM fan
 
Go_AVS's Avatar
 
Location: Hockey time....
good one.
__________________
MIA...
Go_AVS is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 09:26 AM   #29 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: PacNW
That's a chuckler!
__________________
One step closer to the edge...
zf0enix is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 07:20 PM   #30 (permalink)
Blood + Fire
 
Mr.Deflok's Avatar
 
Location: New Zealand
And then... splooge! into the officers face.
Mr.Deflok is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 10:29 AM   #31 (permalink)
 
MexicanOnABike's Avatar
 
Location: up north
thats good! i wouldnt want to be the guy!
__________________
MexicanOnABike is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 11:50 AM   #32 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant
Unexpected punchline. I, however, would NOT like to see the flash movie of this (dirty old man masturbating? No thanks ).
__________________
Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!
duckduck is offline  
Old 05-10-2003, 03:27 PM   #33 (permalink)
Insane
 
uh oh
annie1 is offline  
Old 05-10-2003, 03:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
DEI37's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin
That's a nice one. Can you say, "BUSTED!!!"
__________________
Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.
DEI37 is offline  
Old 05-10-2003, 08:01 PM   #35 (permalink)
Insane
 
I chuckled out loud. Pretty funny.
lionrock is offline  
Old 05-11-2003, 03:57 PM   #36 (permalink)
_-_---_-_
 
hehe 4/5
__________________
Come on
RAMONES!!! is offline  
Old 05-11-2003, 07:52 PM   #37 (permalink)
Crazy
 
hehehe, sounds like something that would happen in real life.
__________________
tubulartuddles
uber1 is offline  
Old 05-12-2003, 10:09 AM   #38 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Bakersfield...The rest stop town
I didn't see that one coming...pretty funny though
snowace56 is offline  
Old 05-16-2003, 04:51 PM   #39 (permalink)
Crazy
 
that was pretty funney!
__________________
"The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity."
--Patrick Murray.
ebpaintball is offline  
Old 05-16-2003, 07:20 PM   #40 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Pullman, WA
I'm laughing...
__________________
Go Cougs!
~WSU~
GremlinDelirium is offline  
 

Tags
masturbating, sex


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:33 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360