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Old 04-28-2003, 06:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Columbia Falls, MT
Masturbating before sex

An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his new lover, so he called his doctor for advice. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realised his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to relieve himself sexually. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
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Old 04-28-2003, 08:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
warrrreagl's Avatar
 
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Funny.
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Old 04-28-2003, 10:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: central calif.
very good
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Old 04-28-2003, 10:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Sweden
3/5
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Old 04-28-2003, 10:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
I run E.
 
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally posted by Nad Adam
3/5
Generous.
Okay, it was a little funny.
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
Tilted
 
unexpected punchline
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
Next time try the closet.
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
now thats funny
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Old 04-28-2003, 11:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
Addict
 
Silverbrain's Avatar
 
Location: Nor Cal
I remember seeing someone do a flash movie of this joke. Still funny to read it
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
Pup no More
 
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Location: Voted the Best
Good chuckler
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Thurougly enjoyed. Thanks
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Old 04-28-2003, 09:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
I thought it was pretty funny; a 3.5 on 5 in my book.
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Old 04-28-2003, 10:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Houston, Tx
heh, I'd like to see the flash movie of this, lol
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Old 04-29-2003, 01:04 AM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Good variation on a well-used theme
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Old 04-29-2003, 04:27 AM   #15 (permalink)
RaZ
Crazy
 
Heh, that was a good one.
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Old 04-29-2003, 06:01 AM   #16 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Heh. Not "Ha-ha", but "heh".
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Old 04-29-2003, 04:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
We're having potato pancakes!
 
hotzot's Avatar
 
Location: stalag 13
I got a chuckle
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Old 04-29-2003, 05:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
unknownmf's Avatar
 
Location: ATL
haha that was pretty funny!!
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Old 04-29-2003, 06:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
haha :d
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Old 04-29-2003, 06:14 PM   #20 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Location: Earth
Ha Ha
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Old 04-29-2003, 06:24 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: NorCal
Not bad. I gave a chuckle.
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Old 04-29-2003, 06:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
Banned
 
Heh, worth a laugh
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Old 04-29-2003, 07:26 PM   #23 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
old people... hehehe
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Old 04-29-2003, 07:56 PM   #24 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Room Nineteen
I laughed out loud. I was expecting this to be a viagra joke or something like that. As someone said earlier, it was unexpected.
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Old 04-29-2003, 09:11 PM   #25 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Laurel, MD, USA
heh heard this before, i think he could have found a better place
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Old 04-30-2003, 03:53 AM   #26 (permalink)
Upright
 
excellent stuff
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Old 04-30-2003, 05:12 AM   #27 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Ireland
heh heh good one
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Old 04-30-2003, 08:25 AM   #28 (permalink)
CSU RAM fan
 
Go_AVS's Avatar
 
Location: Hockey time....
good one.
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Old 04-30-2003, 09:26 AM   #29 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: PacNW
That's a chuckler!
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Old 04-30-2003, 07:20 PM   #30 (permalink)
Blood + Fire
 
Mr.Deflok's Avatar
 
Location: New Zealand
And then... splooge! into the officers face.
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Old 05-01-2003, 10:29 AM   #31 (permalink)
 
MexicanOnABike's Avatar
 
Location: up north
thats good! i wouldnt want to be the guy!
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Old 05-01-2003, 11:50 AM   #32 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant
Unexpected punchline. I, however, would NOT like to see the flash movie of this (dirty old man masturbating? No thanks ).
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Old 05-10-2003, 03:27 PM   #33 (permalink)
Insane
 
uh oh
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Old 05-10-2003, 03:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
DEI37's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin
That's a nice one. Can you say, "BUSTED!!!"
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Old 05-10-2003, 08:01 PM   #35 (permalink)
Insane
 
I chuckled out loud. Pretty funny.
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Old 05-11-2003, 03:57 PM   #36 (permalink)
_-_---_-_
 
hehe 4/5
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Old 05-11-2003, 07:52 PM   #37 (permalink)
Crazy
 
hehehe, sounds like something that would happen in real life.
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Old 05-12-2003, 10:09 AM   #38 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Bakersfield...The rest stop town
I didn't see that one coming...pretty funny though
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Old 05-16-2003, 04:51 PM   #39 (permalink)
Crazy
 
that was pretty funney!
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Old 05-16-2003, 07:20 PM   #40 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Pullman, WA
I'm laughing...
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