tekaweni

Well, a few actually...


Bill is waiting to tee off for the start of his round when he sees Ralph just finishing his round. Bill notices that Ralph is wet all over the front of his trousers. Curiosity gets the best of him, so Bill asks Ralph how he got so wet. Ralph tells the following story:

That day, Ralph had played golf for the first time with bifocals. All day long, he could see two sizes for everything. There was a big club and a little club; a big ball and a little ball; etc. Therefore, Ralph said that he hit the little ball with the big club and it went straight and long all day long. On the green, he putted the little ball into the big cup. He said that he played the best golf of his life. Bill said, "I understand that, but how did you get all wet?"

"Well," said Ralph, "when I got to the 16th, I had to urinate awfully bad. I went into the woods and unzipped my fly. When I looked down, there were two of them also; a big one and a little one. Well, I knew the big one wasn't mine, so I put it back."

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Bill and Ralph meet on the golf course and decide to finish off the round together. Bill has a little dog with him and on the next green, when Bill holes out with a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts yipping and stands up on its hind legs.

Ralph is quite amazed at this clever trick of the dog's and says, "That dog is really talented! What does it do if you miss a putt?" Bill replies, "Somersaults."

Ralph exclaims, "Somersaults! How many of them does it do?" Bill calmly replies, "Mmm, depends on how hard I kick it up the ass!"

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It seems that four very low-handicapped players were playing their normal course. Unusually, the play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated. By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods and were the root cause of the slow play.

Finally, the good foursome finished their round, coming in just under eight hours. After spotting the slow group in the clubhouse, they went right after them, swearing their asses off. The club pro saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys. He said: "Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all blind; they're taking part in a special event."

After hearing this, the foursome immediately reconsidered. The first one said, "Just to show how sorry I am, I'll pay for their green fees." The second replied, "And I'll pay for their carts." Predictably, the third member said, "Whatever food and drinks they want, I'll pay for them." The club pro considered their acts very gracious and, turning to the fourth member, said: "And what are you going to do for them?"

The golfer, still noticeably upset, retorted, "To hell with them, they could have played last night!"

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

soccerchamp76

HAHA
Heard a similar joke involving a blind golfer in which he meets up with a golfer and offers a challenge. The catch is they meet at midnight

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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.