Getting more out of your answering machine.
 

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.


Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.


This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is supercilious.


"I'm home right now . . . I'm just screening my calls. So just start talking and if you're someone I want to speak to I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?


Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


Dial some number at random. Ask: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that his pizza is ready?". Hang up.

Dial the same number again 15 minutes later. In a different voice: "May I speak to Kevin? Oh, wrong number? Could you please tell him that John called?". Hang up.

Repeat 10 times. On the eleventh: "Hi, this is Kevin. Did I get any messages?"

Heh, I like the fridge one. Time to go change my answering machine message!

Re: Getting more out of your answering machine.
 

LOL - I'm going to be using this one :D

some good ones here, thanks

nice ones

woot some ones i havent heard before :)

Some good ones there, <b>cchris</b>, thanks!
I dunno if I dare to try any of 'em though, you know, in case the Queen of England calls or something.

Good, very good

cool, several there i hadn't heard before

i am definitely changing my message...

i'll try that last one

HIGH-LARIOUS!

Riiinnnnngggg, Riiiiinnnnng. Hello, "is Kevin there"-- "No he's out to lunch, would you like to leave a message?" "No, thats ok I'll call back later."

I tried the prank call one.. When I said Hey this is mike have I got any messages? He went off on me telling me not to give his phone number out to everyone and he wasn't my personally secretary.. that was funny as hell

The funniest one to do is start your recording with how you normally answer your phone and then pause. People will think you answered and start talking! Then a few seconds into their speech, you go "I can't come to the phone right now...yatta yatta" and you'll hear them go D'oh!

It's priceless.

i was gonna say the same thing Hycdubg its always funny to do that to people... my sister sets up my and my families ansering machines to do that

Good ones, all.

I love the "Hello", then a silence, then "please leave a message"...My fiancee uses that one, and it gets them nearly everytime it is really a person, and not a damn recording calling her.

Mine used to have her saying in a very sexy voice "Larry can't come to the phone right now, he's kinda tied up.........But I can go untie him if you really need to talk to him"

Well crap...didn't mean to do that one twice...and this isn't a message!

nice set, is a keeper

Simply hilarious. I am gonna use this one all the time.


Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)

I'm going to buy an answering machine!

lol awsome, ive been looking for something like this I could use for my voicemail-thanks!

Try the following next time the phone rings:

You (when you answer): Hello, is Jimmy there?

Caller: No, I'm afraid you have a wrong number.

You: Oh. Sorry.

Caller: No problem... (click)


I'v had this done to me and if you find someone dumb like me it'll work and you can get rid of who ever called ya

these are great, nice post

Shall have to try those

a message:

"Hello?.... hello?... hello?.....hello?
well, I'm not here right now so leave a message"

the third one is too long to be a message

These are really good. I will print and use. Anyone got more?