uncle phil

Situations Hallmark doesn't cover:


1. I always wanted
To have someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After meeting you ...
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit,
You brought religion into my life ...
I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.

3. As the days go by,
I think how lucky I am ...
That you're not here
To ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry ...
Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age ...
Almost life-like!

7. When we were together,
You said you'd die for me.. .
Now we've broken up,
I think it's time
To keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time ...
What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you ...
It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. .
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket ...
I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday. . .
So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).

14. Looking back o'er the years We've been together,I can't help but wonder ...
What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
Too bad no one likes your husband.

16. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
Have such an ugly baby

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Midlandmadman

#3 cracked me up!!!!!!!!! all were quite good though!

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Its good to be back.

MichaelFarker

Those were hillarious! Thank you.

Root_Beer_Man

Haha nice...good work

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>3 Cheers for boobies!!<

Eowyn_Vala

Great stuff! I enjoyed all of them.

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Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it